Bluetooth Headsets

Should only be used at home. Yes I said it. When I see people in public using them it makes me think that they are the pilots of the ship called: IsuckDick 5000. The people who wear them in public the most are white males in their mid 40's. They usually have on a generic brand leather jacket, Levi jeans that they have had for over 20+ years, and a pair of shoes that they picked up from the broke bin at Payless. Well I would like to let you know that I am onto you. I see you at the grocery store pretending to talk to somebody when you massage the mangoes while wishing that they were the supple breasts of the 16 year old who always bags your groceries. Is it that hard to reach into your pocket and just grab your phone? Wait, I know. You're resting that hand for later on tonight. You'll be in your underwear watching Jimmy Fallon after finishing a cheap bottle of whisky. Now your hand comes into play. Luckily for you tonights guest is Sandra Bullock. Chyea! Somebody is going to have a party. After you get done violating yourself you stay still for 5 minutes. In these 5 minutes your old life flashes behind your eyes. The life where you were married and had two kids. Now you snap back into the present. Your wife left you because you had more interest in your toy train collection than you did in her. Now your eyes start to water. Then your kids come to mind. Caroline, who now goes by the stripper name "Candy" comes to mind. You're bursting with tears now because you just realized that last week you did 4 lines of blow and went to her place of business and got a lapdance from her. You try to calm down when your son comes to mind. Everybody tells you he's a homosexual. When you confront your son about this, he says he is emo. You Google the term and feel better. Then you do further research and realize emo is code for cumguzzler. You start to cry again. You are desperate. You reach for your bluetooth headset and put it on. You are now at peace. For now. Oh no! Your headset needs charging. You start to cry again.