Monday, October 18, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
The trip to school this morning was
Wonderful. Barely any traffic due to Columbus day and the weather was amazing. My mornings are usually filled with unpredictable weather and car exhaust, so this was a welcomed change. About halfway into my trip I stopped at a red light. I looked over to my right and saw something I had never seen before. Something that even I, Baliwala, master of imagination and frisbee could not forsee. You know what I saw? Of course you don't. If you didn't you would have stopped reading and gone to read your horoscope or whatever odd shit you stooges do on the internet. I digress. I saw a man who was looking down. Maybe he had something in his hands. Maybe he was looking at his jeans or even shoes, but no, it was not any of the aforementioned things. He was looking at his penis. Why was he looking at his love muscle? Because he was urinating. That's right folk. This guy, who looked fairly normal, was urinating on what appeared to be an entrance to an apartment complex on a busy street. He was a bit paranoid of course. He kept looking to his left, but this disgusting idiot didn't realize something. He forgot about something humans call "the right." You know, the opposite of left. He didn't even bother to look in that direction even though that's where traffic was coming from; both automobile and pedestrian. Then you know what this motherfucker did? He zipped his shit up and walked away like nothing happened. Yeah, that's right. Just walked away like he was just pissing, I mean passing through. I swear to God I was about to call the cops on this counterfeit water planter. I won't lie. I've done the same, but late at night and in alleys. Out of the view of society. Away from innocent eyes and ignorant drivers. And I would never leak the lizard somehwere where people walked. Shit yaar, what was he thinking? If it was an emergency he could have stopped by a place of business. He could have gone to a secluded area. But noooooo, this nauseating piece of scuzzy(yea, that's actually a word. Google that shit),egesta(yea, that's a word too. Damn son, I'm dropping mad knowledge from the library on you drowsy mofos),had no shame. If he were homeless I would have been a bit more understanding, but he clearly wasn't. He was dressed normally and had a messenger bag on. Maybe he used the bag to store many bottles of water and that's why he did what he did. It's one thing to whip it out and spray, it's another thing to do it for an audience. I am Baliwala. I piss in privacy. That is all.
Friday, October 8, 2010
The other day
I was in class doing a "group assignment." I put that in quotations because it's not really a group assignment when one or two mofos are doing all the work. The professor was walking around and "checking on us." I put that in quotations because her bored ass was just bothering anyone and everyone she came in contact with. When she came to our group she sat next to me. She said:"WHO SMELLS LIKE CIGARETTES?!" I put that in quotations because that's what she said word for word. She asked if it was me. Before I could answer the "mature" Italian girl who wears too much makeup and sounds like her voice was raped by a frog said that it was me. I put mature in quotations because that's a nicer way of saying someone who's almost 30 but pretends to be in their early 20's. The professor then said that I stunk. This bitch, wow. This big-bellied, squinty-eyed, overgrown feet and hands having cunt had the nerve to say that to me. After some thought I realized that people like her, or people whose belly cover their feet when they look down are very angry people and say things they are not supposed to. I am Baliwala. I smell like flowers. That is all.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Sunday, October 3, 2010
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