Lol you can't be serious

Huh?

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I almost never

Give people cigarettes when they ask for them, but today I made an exception. After class today I went to get lunch. After I put my order in I went outside to smoke. I had my headphones in, and they were pretty loud. While I was jamming out to Bollywood hits of yesterday and today, I looked to my left. When I turned my head to the right, a man was about 2 inches from my face. He was speaking but I obviously had a hard time understanding him due to the volume of the music. I took out one headphone and heard this: "Sir, I'm not going to ask you for money. All I ask for is a cigarillo." Now a cigarillo is a small cigar from what I know, but I got the point. I gave him one, not because of how nicely he asked, but because I was afraid he was going to attack me. Real talk. It was pretty early and I was still tired. If it had been during the evening, and I were listening to hardcore rap through my iPod, I would have not given him one and would have been down to rumble, but it was before noon I was listening to Waada Rahaa Sanaam. After I gave him a cigarette he wanted to shake my hand. I noticed right away that his hands were covered with open sores. No thanks. Immediately after that he asked me: "What would you do, or how would you feel if you worked very hard, were honest, and people still spit in your face?" I told him it would naturally make me upset. He then went on about how thankful he was and wondered if I had some time to talk. I said fuck it and told him I had a few moments to spare. He then went on a rant. At times when he stuttered, his eyes rolled into the back of his head. When I agreed or made a point myself, he agreed with elation and put out his fist so it could be bumped with mine. Fuck that. My hands stayed in my pockets. His rant basically was about how he worked really hard as a window washer, but never got any respect. He felt his hard work went unnoticed. "Man, I don't smoke crack anymore, I don't smoke weed anymore, I don't sniff coke anymore, but people still spit in my face." I tried to make him feel better about his situation by telling him about house servants in Pakistan and India who routinely get beaten by their employers. "Nawwwwww, are you serious right now? ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW? TELL ME YOU AIN'T SERIOUS RIGHT NOW!" I said that I was. He then went on to say that Allah was great, and that how he lives to please him. That's cool. I wondered why he would say that, then it made sense because afterward he told me how "my people" were good people. Thank you kind sir, I guess. He then said that he reads the Bible too. Hmm, kinda weird, but whatever floats his boat. Apparently people hated him because of his work ethic as a window washer, which had 82 stops, and his kindness. By now I had no fear or intimidation from him, but rather I was seeing that this conversation was going nowhere, and that this poor guy just needed somebody to listen to him. It's unfortunate, but many people have absolutely nobody to speak to. I then told him I had to leave. He was very disappointed. He then repeatedly said that I had to drop see him more often to drop more knowledge. After I had gotten my food and left, he said: "Man, where did you get all that knowledge from?" I smirked and said I didn't know. I am Baliwala. Only drug-addicted window washers appreciate my advice.

I think I'm in love

This is what

Some people hope to find on my blog.

I've been called

A loser,idiot,dumbass,creep,pervert,crazy,boring,ugly,unambitious,lazy,unmotivated,uninteresting,selfish,careless,reckless,immature,cheap,out of shape,gay,faggot,queer,envious,and shit-talker. This leads me to one conclusion: You mad. Yea, that's right, you mad. I am Baliwala. I may be all of those things, but at least my blood pressure is relatively low. That is all.

Yea

Best gum ever

Please

Read and sign this

Here

I've come to

The realization,that no matter how Westernized a Desi girl might be, she will fall in love with at least one fob in her lifetime. This is a trend I've been seeing for over a decade. I've kept journals and developed charts to verify my observations. At first, some of these girls will actually ridicule recent arrivals. They will emphatically state how their appearance and approach to women is disgusting, along with their overall moral compass and worldview. Then one day the right fob comes along. He's pretty nice. Not bad on the eyes. Relationships with guys have not gone very well in this girl's life, so she decides to take another route and give the fob a chance. Before she knows it she has known the guy for 6 months and has developed feelings for him. At first she can't believe it, but assures herself it's ok because one can not help who they like. She tells her closest friends at first. They confirm her feelings by saying: "Girl, if he treats you right and likes you, and you like him for his personality, go for it!" She tells the guy her feelings. His reply is that "I love ju. I want to ah puckin marry with ju n shit. Baby, imma wanna gib u da wurld n shit like that." Fireworks go off in her head. She thinks she has been catapulted into a dreamland filled with honey and Justin Beiber clones. As the weeks go on, she becomes more confident about her feelings. She thinks if she introduces him to her parents they'd definitely accept him as a suitable husband. He can converse with them in the native tongue, and he is educated.... well not really, but he pulls mad hours at the gas station. Then one day while you're making a trip to Starbucks with your friends, you see him with an unattractive girl who is not Desi. You're heartbroken. You can't believe what's going on. For the next 3 weeks your Facebook statuses are filled with sad songs and depressing quotes that you've Googled. All of then in Hindi of course. You break down and finally call him. He says:" Baybee, is like i am make miztake. Iz like am drink Henny See See, and am not think thank rite." You go off on a rant about how much he's hurt you. How many tears you have shed. How you've stopped eating. How you don't sleep anymore. How you've lost hope on love and will be forever lonely. He apologizes profusely and you take him back. A month later you receive a text informing you that he's going to India to get married. You go into depression. The end. I am Baliwala. Bepore ju say pob to me, say to jor puckin mom dad. That is all.

Is being

Fearless dangerous? Please leave a comment below.