Punjabi Geet-Weed

Sanu har raht hari hari khwaban aunidyeee haiiii
Ussi adi raht utke, araam ni aundiyeee haiiiii
Subah subah ussi nashta vi ni kita oyyyeeeeeeee
Pehle mota mota joint main roll kerda haiiii
Pehle mota mota joing main roll kerda haiiii
Dus mint de baht sadi akhian lal ghulab hogaiya haiiii
Sade akhian sabe de varge lagdaiya ayyyyyyy haiiiiii
Mera, oy mera khuba akh tulay jandayeeeeeeeee
Dooja, dooja akh suraj te tak jandayeeeeeeeee haiiiii
Sade akhan tukjande haii, sade akhan tukhandeye haiii
Faire sanu, faire sanu sukht sukht pookh lagda haiii
Doh pint ice cream, doh pint ice cream punj mint vich khutam hojandaya haiii
Sade tid, oy sadi tid pura hojandaya hai
Family guy vekh vekh ke, sanu bura hus audaiye hai
Stewie sada dil nu khush kerdaiyeeee hai
Kaka sanu boht rolandah haii, kaka sanu boht rolandah
Mera dook di kahni sunke sunke,ghulam fareed zinda hunda ehhhh haiii.

Candy

Absolutely delicious.

Word of the day 9

go⋅nad [goh-nad, gon-ad]

–noun Anatomy.
a sex gland in which gametes are produced; an ovary or testis.

Just read

My blog: if you are ever sad. I will cheer you up. If you are feeling egotistical. I will put you in your place and remind you that you are just human just like the rest of us. If you are feeling tired. Come here. I will revitalize you as if I were a can of Red Bull. If you have too much energy. Come here. I will knock the living shit out of you. If you are laughing too much. Come here. I will say something that will put you in a bad mood. If you feel like you do not have any friends. Come here. I will pretend to befriend you. If you are feeling horny. Come here. I can guarantee that you will orgasm like you haven't before. If you want to feel horny. Come here. I will arouse you in a matter of seconds. If you are angry. Come here. I will verbally joust you to the point where you will just give up and end up laughing. If you want to be angry. Come here. I will piss you off intentionally. Just read. I am Baliwala. I will take you on an emotional rollercoaster.

Hats

I own one hat. I've had since seventh grade. It is a fitted New York Yankees hat. It's pretty dirty and does not fit me anymore. I wear it only at home when I'm playing online poker. It makes me feel cool. I'm wearing it right now. I feel very G.

Gum

Most people spit it out after it has lost its flavor. I don't. I usually chew a piece of gum for two hours. When I do spit it out, my jaw hurts. I don't mind. I just tell myself I am exercising my face. No pain no gain. For those of you who spit out gum too quickly, please stop. Save the Earth. Chew it for as long as you can.

Radio

I haven't listened to it in years. This is sort of a problem because when I talk to people they try to make jokes using lines from songs that are currently on the radio. I have no idea what they're saying. I tell them this. They become very surprised and send me a link to the song on YouTube. Nine times out of ten the song sucks. Ten times out ten the video is horrible. So if you're reading this, do not send me links to songs. Chances are I won't like it. If you continue to do this it might end our friendship. That is all.

Pedicured feet

On a woman is like putting a bow on a present. Remember this ladies, keep those dogs you call feet in good condition. That is all.

Hey!

I don't give a flying fuck!

Check out

The worm game at the bottom of the page.

Getting down gone wrong

Word of the day 8

de⋅men⋅tia [di-men-shuh, -shee-uh]


–noun Psychiatry.
severe impairment or loss of intellectual capacity and personality integration, due to the loss of or damage to neurons in the brain.

I'm a singer

It's true.


http://www.sendspace.com/file/hyclqy

Undefined.

That's what I believe I am. Others call it bipolar disorder. What do you think? Fuck what you think? LOL. I like ice cream. I'm sad. I'm happy. What's for dinner? I feel like life is not...I THINK IT'S GREAT!

I lost the bank roll

It's all gone. I only feel bad because I lost the money my friend gave me. This is so fucked up. Wait, I'm Baliwala. This will not phase me. I will strive unencumbered through this unfortunate event. I will rise from the ashes victorious. I will double, no fuck that, triple the money. I am Baliwala. Shit does not phase me.

These are my words

There are many words in the world, but these are my words. My words are better than your words. Without my words I am nothing. Without me my words are nothing. My words are my weapons.

Ifti Naseem

Is a gay Pakistani activist in Chicago. Listen to his lovely poetry. Your heart will melt. Forward the video to the two minute part.

Why?

Just why?

If you are

Over the age of 16 and can not type a complete sentence, you are brain dead. If you abbreviate as many words as possible, you are brain dead. If you unnecessarily LOL, you are brain dead. If use you too many emoticons, you are brain dead. If you are in a hospital and hooked up to a respirator, chances are you're brain dead. That is all.

Cash crate.

Join and get paid to take surveys. Make sure register with an email address that doesn't mind getting a shitload of emails.


http://cashcrate.com/1300030

Come on

Red Sox. You're already down 5 runs and it's not even the end of the first inning. I put the entire bank roll on you guys. Please don't let me down.

Homo tear

Whenever it is windy or cold my left eye begins to tear up. Before I know it there's a tear rolling down my cheek. When I was a sophomore in high school my friend Jon coined this look as: The homo tear. I had a homo tear episode today because my fan was on. That is all.

Fuck you Red Sox

You had a 3 run lead going into the ninth inning and you let Oakland tie the game up. What's worse is that they ended up winning the game. I lost money because you. It's ok. I will put the entire bank roll on you guys next game. Please don't let me down.

Word of the day 7

Anno Domini-A.D. stands for Anno Domini, which is Latin for "year of our Lord," and it means the number of years since the birth of Jesus Christ. That was 2000 years ago, so the date 500 A.D. means 1500 years ago.

Girls

Apparently are always sick,tired or hungry. Seriously. Is there some type of terminal illness that is affecting them? Is this unknown to the medical world? Talk to a girl when the sun is down, chances are she'll tell you she's tired. It doesn't matter what she did the entire day. They'll tell you they're hungry. When you give the obvious suggestion and tell them to get something to eat, their answer is there is nothing to eat. Really? Is your fridge completely empty? Are you homeless? Shit bitch, just live off of the fat you have stored in your belly. Being sick. Girls always have at least a cold. If not that, they hurt some part of their body. Once again, when you give them the obvious suggestion of taking over the counter medication , they'll tell you it tastes nasty. If you tell them to rest, they'll tell you they have so much to do when at that moment in time, they're laying in bed. Cut that shit out. Seriously. If you don't nobody will marry you and you will go to hell. That is all.

One of my fobby cousins

All of my cousins are fobs. It's the main reason I don't talk to him often. There is a huge cultural gap. I was reassured of this when one of my cousins had a problem with one of my aunts, who we call "kaki". He thought the best way to deal with this was to vent his frustration through his Facebook status.

Ice maker

One was installed in my fridge today. I thought it would be something that would change my life. I was wrong. The thing is fucking huge. It makes an annoying sound, and worst of all, it doesn't make ice fast enough. I miss the old ice trays already. Just fill them up and you have ice in a hour. The ice maker makes small odd shaped cubes. I think this is a reflection on the laziness of today's society. We're lazy as fuck even when it comes to making ice. Shit.

Word of the day 7

quar⋅ry [kwawr-ee, kwor-ee]


–noun
1. an excavation or pit, usually open to the air, from which building stone, slate, or the like, is obtained by cutting, blasting, etc.
2. an abundant source or supply.

Stereotypes

Only exist because there is some grain to truth to them. Remember that. That is all.

Salman Aftab

Is a Pakistani man from Chicago who is pretty known in the community. He ran for the 50th ward Alderman spot. He lost horribly. He is known to be a hot head. The following article just shows one incident where he let his temper get the best of him. Enjoy.


Public ignorance aggravates effect of hate crimes
BY SUNITA PURI

Just before Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgendered (LGBT) Pride Week and Hate Crimes Awareness Week, the Chicago Police Department (CPD) sadly mishandled a case of homophobia, exemplifying the many reasons why these two weeks of consciousness-raising were organized. Ifti Nasim, an openly gay Pakistani immigrant, suffered a verbal and physical attack at the hands of Salman Aftab, a fellow Pakistani Muslim. While Nasim was dining out with friends, Aftab, who had joined the group, began to verbally abuse him about being gay. After about 10 minutes of harassment, which included assaults on Nasim's Muslim identity, Aftab said, "I'm going to stab you up the ass to tell God I'm getting rid of at least one sinner! I want to clean up the planet after your type!"


Aftab then disappeared to the kitchen and returned with a large knife, which he pointed at Nasim, declaring a jihad against him and all gay Muslims. After Aftab tried to stab Nasim, a restaurant employee restrained Aftab while Nasim called the police. When the police arrived and spoke with both Aftab and Nasim, they told the latter that the whole matter appeared to be simply an "ethnic problem" between two Pakistanis. The police sided against Nasim, telling him that he was drunk, and then refusing him the option of a breathalyzer test to prove his sobriety. Although the police arrested Aftab, they recorded the incident as a misdemeanor and refused to recognize it as a hate crime. Aftab is now out on bail.

In the FBI's Hate Crime Collection Guidelines, a hate crime is defined as "a criminal offense committed against a person, property, or society that is motivated, in whole or in part, by the offender's bias against a race, religion, disability, sexual orientation, or ethnicity/national origin." Given this definition, it is unquestionable that Nasim suffered a "criminal offense" motivated by Aftab's bias against his religious and sexual orientation.

The Bali

This is where I get my powers from.

Chico

Was from Puerto Rico. He made only one dollar a day. He went to Lucy. He sucked her poosy. She took his dollar away. Poor bastard.

Drunk or just intoxicated by God?

Church Goers Are Drunk On God - Watch more Funny Videos

The mood is right, the lights are bright.

Never been the one for words but been the one for verbs. I smoke the finest herbs, excuse me, I'm flowin undercover, some might say even viciously. But girl if you want wood, you can kiss my tree. Because often people tend to see Bali and practice mimickery. I spit the illness with a bit of the remedy. I'm a center stage all-star center piece.If you think too much I'll leave you screwed up, just like a piece of new gum I leave a beat chewed up. So sup? My tracks are lacerations. Yours are just cuts. The flow so fine and seamless. Call me a seamtress the way I got the gamed sowed up. Every line I be layin the wood. You can breathe now, and say: Damn, Bali is that damn good.

Bhanchode

Means "sister fucker" in Hindi,Urdu or Punjabi. It's my favorite word to use when I speak these languages. I end almost every sentence with this word. It's simplicity is beautiful. I make the mistake of using this word around my parents sometimes. If I use it in front of my mom she'll say:" BURI BAHT HAI!" Which means: That's not nice. If I use it in front of my father he'll say:"OY, THAT'S NOT A GENTLEMANLY THING TO SAY, AND YOU ARE GENTLEMAN! SO DO NOT USE THAT WORD!" Here's the thing. I hear him say that word along with kanjar, which means "whore" when he's on the phone with his friends. So why can't I say it?

The way I take out thousands

They call me a tsunami.

People you should know 2

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muhammad_Yunus

Word of the day 7

zoot⋅y [zoo-tee]


–adjective Slang.
characteristic of a zoot suiter; extreme or flamboyant in style or appearance: a zooty new convertible.

Small update on the psycho.

I replied back with:" Yea. You're a fan of anal sex." There's a chance she will not understand what I said to her. Only time will tell.

Muslims make me laugh.

So I have a friend on Facebook who practices Islam. Which I have no problem with. Freedom of religion is something I embrace. She also updates her statuses with something related to Islam. I also do not have a problem with this because I believe in free speech. I went to see the comments left on her main picture, and just to mess with her I decided to be a smartass comment because I was bored. Here's what transpired.





As you can see, even when I said I was joking a hijabi didn't think it was very funny that I was joking about the word haraam. I did not feel the need to have a philosophical debate on Facebook, so I wrote this in return.



Hmmmm. According to this brain dead monkey, I was not a Muslim. Mind you, I do have a Muslim name but I do not practice Islam. She obviously had no idea of this and I wasn't going to explain myself to a complete stranger. Some people might. But I don't have time for that shit. It doesn't end there. This person decided to message me personally and tell me what she was all about.



I find it funny that she insults me after she thinks I did the same as her. Isn't forgiveness big in Islam? Also, she claims to be the most educated Arab ever and clearly does not have a grip on the English language. I find this to be funny as well. If I get bored enough I will reply to this maniac.

Mad skills

Pussy

In the morning. Pussy in the evening. Pussy at supper time. When pussy is on a bagel, you can have pussy anytime.

The downfall of man

Is being caused by ourselves. We pollute our bodies with drugs, alcohol and tobacco. We don't exercise as much as we're supposed to. We don't watch our diets. We don't sleep enough. The air we breathe is full of disease. Those are just the physical aspects that are ruining us. What's even worse is what's happening to us psychologically. We don't laugh enough. We don't read. We don't engage in critical thinking. We are not compassionate to fellow human beings. We don't take the time to lend an ear to a friend. We don't appreciate beauty in nature. We judge quickly. We don't take the time to listen to the other side of the story. We lie. We cheat. We deceive openly. Our vocabulary is being reduced by the second. I am Baliwala. Take my hand and together we can rise from obscurity. That is all.

The worst part about

Washing dishes is that you're going to use them again. Which means they have to be washed again. Fuck.

Hey girl

With the short dress on. Yes you. I am staring at your ass. Your tits as well. Don't be surprised. Your shit is popping out of every angle. Do I have an erection? Well ma'am yes I do. Do I care if you're offended? No I do not. I am Baliwala. I like tits and ass.

Depressed

This word is thrown around too much. Anytime a person has the slightest thing go wrong, they say they are depressed. Wikipedia defines depression as:In the fields of psychology and psychiatry, the terms depression or depressed refer to sadness and other related emotions and behaviors. It can be thought of as either a disease or a syndrome. The part you should pay attention to is disease of syndrome. If you break a nail or your bf or gf doesn't call you'll get sad. That doesn't mean you're depressed. If you miss your favorite TV show. You are not depressed. It means you need to get out more. If you think school or work is too hard. You are not depressed. You are lazy. If you think life is "boring" you are not depressed. You need to find a new hobby. FML has taken over the word depression in todays' society. Everything is FML. FML this. FML that. I hope this is just a fad. If it's not and you use this word or phrase, something bad is bound to happen to you. When it does you will not have enough breath in your body to say you're depressed of FML. You know why? Because unfortunately you'll proably be dead. I'm Baliwala. Get like me. Be happy with what you have and be glad you have it.

Pitbull poker

So I join this free tournament. It had over 300 people. I ended up in 8th place. How did I do it? Patience and luck. I knew when to fold. When to check. I raised the right amounts and the right times. I learned a lot about poker tonight. I learned that the power of the mind is truly extraordinary. I learned how to recognize playing patterns. I didn't get upset if I folded a hand, then saw that I could have won it. I forgot quickly and played the next hand like it was my first. Tonight was a good night. That is all. I'm Baliwala and I play poker.

Word of the day 6

co⋅ag⋅u⋅late /v. koʊˈægyəˌleɪt; adj. koʊˈægyəlɪt, -ˌleɪt/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [v. koh-ag-yuh-leyt; adj. koh-ag-yuh-lit, -leyt]

1.	to change from a fluid into a thickened mass; curdle; congeal: Let the pudding stand two hours until it coagulates.

2.	Biology. (of blood) to form a clot.

3.	Physical Chemistry. (of colloidal particles) to flocculate or cause to flocculate by adding an electrolyte to an electrostatic colloid.

The art of war

Is to not start one. You have to choose your spots. When I talk about war, I'm not necessarily talking about it in literal terms. I'm talking more along the lines of situation you're in with your everyday peers. Sometimes you have to know when to shut your mouth. This is a hard pill to swallow because ego comes in the way. Ego is the biggest downfall to man next to greed. Be careful about your actions or what you say because one day they will, not might, but will come back to bite you in the ass. Try your best to be friendly to others. Easier said than done. But trying never hurts. If you fail at this try harder. Life is too short to start wars with people. Especially the ones you love and care about. So next time you see a situation flaring up between you and a friend or family member. Think for a second. See if it's really worth it. See if you want to ruin the rest of your day over a few words. I'm Baliwala. Don't start a war with me. You will cry.

Not really a fan of techno

But these songs are sex bombs.

I lost today.

But it's ok. I'll make a strong comeback tomorrow. My motto: Bankroll or lose it all. Let's do it.

Bet of the day

White Sox and Tigers to score over 9.5 combined. Let's do this.

Word of the day 5

cun⋅ni⋅lin⋅gus [kuhn-l-ing-guhs]

Origin:
1885–90; cunni- (comb. form of cunnus vulva) + -lingus (deriv. of lingere to lick)

Washington Mutual

Was a bank that was bought out by Chase months back. When I tried to log in to my account, I was redirected to the Chase website. I had to read the privacy policies before I could enter. Then I had to verify my social security number. After all of this I was expecting to see an awesome looking site. But no, it was not. It was blander than vanilla. This was surprising because Chase is a multi-million, possibly billion dollar company. So Chase bank, update your site. Make it look nicer. I don't want to frown when I see your site. I'm already sad when I see my balance. Don't make it worse.

I love you, man

This movie was hilarious. Much funnier than Bruno and The Hangover in my opinion. It comes out on DVD August 11th, but is available for download through torrents. Check it out. You won't be disappointed. Baliwala guarantees it.

OH YEA!

Guys who wear sunglasses indoors

Are either suffering from glaucoma, blindness, or douchebaggery. I've done research and have come to the conclusion that these people are suffering from Bag O'Douche Syndrome. Something that is very common in males between 18-24. You want to look cool, but you don't. You look like you're trying out for the amateur version of Terminator. If there is a girl with you she is blinder than you are. Serioulsy. Does she feel safe around you? Because I'm sure a normal person would not. Do think you're playing poker? What are you hiding? The creepiest thing these guys do is smile. They do it out of nowhere. Freaks me the fuck out. I go from thinking you're asleep to thinking you have a boner. Danny Tanner that shit and cut it out.

Prostitutes

Are ugly. They look nothing like they do in movies. Instead of being blond bombshells, they are toothless crackheads. These women are usually in their 40's and have many kids. Some of which they don't know of. They usually sport a t-shirt they found in a garbage can and torn jeans. So fuck you Hollywood for lying to me. For making me believe hookers were sex bombs. That is all.

Word of the day 4

bel⋅lig⋅er⋅ent [buh-lij-er-uhnt]

1.	warlike; given to waging war.

2.	of warlike character; aggressively hostile; bellicose: a belligerent tone.

My baseball betting for today

Phillies and Cubs to win (2 team parlay)- Win
Boston to win over Baltimore-Win
Dodgers to win over Florida-Win


Today was a good day :)

Bring your lifestyle to me

Give me control of your life and I will make you into a demi-god. I will revolutionize the way you live and think. People will never view you as the same person. Life will be so much fun you wouldn't be able to handle it. You will sweat cologne. The opposite sex will faint in your presence, but then quickly wake up because they will realize you are in front of them. How will I do this? This is something that can not be explained. It can only be done. Can others do the same for you? I highly doubt it. This is something you're born with. So give me control of your life. Enjoy the ride. I am Baliwala, and I'm here to save your life.

People you should know

www.edhifoundation.com

Ailment you should know about

spi⋅na bif⋅i⋅da /ˈbɪfɪdə/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [bif-i-duh]

noun Pathology.

a congenital neural tube defect in which part of the meninges or spinal cord protrudes through the spinal column, often resulting in neurological impairment.

My future wife

Angry drunks

Are the worst people to be around/talk to. They don't understand a word you're saying and take things the wrong way. When you try to explain that you weren't trying to offend them, they immediately forget what happened. Sometimes the angry drunks muster up the courage to start a fight. This usually results in them getting verbally raped or their asses whooped. The next day the angry drunk will deny having any recollection of the previous nights' events. But we all know they do. This is a cover up until they do the same thing next week. So if you're an angry drunk cut that shit out. I'm not saying quit drinking completely, but know your limit. Because sooner than later, people will not want to be around you. This will lead to you drinking even more than you usually do.

Word of the day 3

in⋅cor⋅ri⋅gi⋅ble [in-kawr-i-juh-buhl]

not corrigible; bad beyond correction or reform: incorrigible behavior; an incorrigible liar.

impervious to constraints or punishment; willful; unruly; uncontrollable: an incorrigible child; incorrigible hair.

Stephon Marbury

Had a 24 hour web chat scheduled that was supposed to end at 6 A.M. There were over 900 people viewing. Many were insulting him which made me laugh. He looked very tired and said that staying up for a few more hours would be nothing for him. Out of nowhere he says:"Man, fuck the haters. We pull their skirts down and expose their pink panties." He stayed silent for about a minute then said: "I'm gonna take a piss." He never came back. Many in the chat thought he said he was pissed and starting arguing that people in the chat made him leave. Others speculated that he was masturbating or dropping a wicked "deuce". What I got out of it: Marbury is an attention seeking washed up NBA player. That is all.

I am wearing my gym shorts from high school

And they still fit. They're a little shorter than I expected, but oh well. They are comfy womfy as fuck. Speaking of high school I have recurring dreams where I'm there. I try to explain to the teachers that I have graduated already, but they say otherwise. Then out of nowhere I'm in a college classroom. Trippy shit. I look back at a lot of the people I went to high school with and see that they have kids. Time definitely does fly.

Hit the road jack

And don't you come back. Yeah. Once I boot you out of my life, you're not welcome to return. So stop with the "courteous" texts/calls. I don't wanna talk to you. To be honest, I don't know why you would want to talk to me. We ended on horrible terms. Let's keep at that way. I like being bitter and telling people about the shit you put me through. It's a great conversation piece. It helps me relate to others who have gone through similar situations. So this is bye. Don't come back.

It's windy as fuck

So windy that one of my blinds flew off of my window and almost hit me. I had to do a Matrix move to get out of the way. You guys should have seen it.

Weddings

A friend of a friend got married tonight. I had no interest in going because both families are religious. Religious events bore the hell out of me. That means no dancing and no women in sight. Talk about depressing. I just looked at the clock. He's probably getting laid, for the first time. God bless him.

I used to get high off of our memories

Not anymore. That was the past. Things have changed dramatically. I view you as a stranger now. Even after saying that, I know if we start talking it'll be like old times. I don't want it to be like old times though. Ignorance was bliss. Now I realize that. Fuck the ignorance and the deceiving bliss it comes with. I'm much smarter now. I'm not the same person. When things go bad between you and him, I won't be there this time. I won't be there listening to you cry about another guy until 5 A.M. For that I am proud of myself. You don't realize this. You probably never will. That's ok because I do. And that's all that counts. I'm not mad at you. I'm not going to sit around and think about all the things I could have done better. Not going to even think about the things you did wrong. I don't have time for that now. TV and masturbation has cut into that time.

Word of the day 2

caveat/ˈkæviˌɑt, -ˌæt, ˈkɑvi-, keɪ-/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [kav-ee-aht, -at]

1.	a warning or caution; admonition.

2.	Law. a legal notice to a court or public officer to suspend a certain proceeding until the notifier is given a hearing: a caveat filed against the probate of a will.

LOL!

http://www.allfacebook.com/2008/04/girl-has-sex-with-50-guys-on-facebook/

Wallpaper

Urination in public

Should not be against the law. What is a person supposed to do if the tank is full and they have no other place to empty it? I personally enjoy urinating in public when I'm drunk. Going behind industrial garbage cans are the spots I usually hit. It's always good to have a lookout just in case somebody might come by. Also, if you're walking around drunk and alone, you're pathetic. Not even the homeless do that. So if you pee in public, bring a buddy. A goal I have is to urinate on a palm tree. I feel the scenic location would make the experience very enjoyable.

Chocolate chip granola bars

Are the shit. I bought a box of 25 for only 4 bucks. Talk about a fucking sweet deal. Literally. I can eat about 4-5 with 2 glasses of milk. It's the best late night snack. Healthy and sweet. Doesn't get better than that. I just got an idea. Granola bars with my daily banana milkshakes. Tomorrow doesn't look so bleak now :). On another note I went out for a cigarette earlier. I decided to sit on my steps but forget that it had been raining steadily the entire day. I got my shorts wet. I'll be honest. The water penetrated and hit skin. I'll let your imagination do the rest. Now I'm wearing my NY Yankees PJ's. Very comfortable. No wet booty anymore. Back to watching Californication. Great show. Check it out if you can.

L.A.C.(Life Around Creativity)

Check out their Myspace page. Shit is sex.


www.myspace.com/thelacfam

Yea

I rip entire squads, spit about it on songs. Bitch you got me all wrong, im ill like Kim Jhong. Even though you're reading this, we aint on the same page. I killed bill, you should get your vital signs checked, if not you'll be calling Rhianna for an SOS. I spit crack and I'm all day made. Spitting into your eyes like Kanyes shades. Check it, a livewire, yea I'm a fly choppah my lyrics are the shit concentrated on high fiber.

Typing

Under the influence isn't in my top 5 list of nuisances. It's hasn't bothered me yet like the sweat on my brow now throw on my MJ jersey and go old school, call me MoTown. From men to boys I be bringin that noise make it rain on your girls face and ask her who's the Real McCoy. Fuckin with your head, Jedi mind tricks, not Obiwan.... I ride darkside like a deceivin Indian girl, call me Anna Khan.

Anbesol

I had to use it today because the wisdom teeth on the left side of my mouth are coming out. It hurts like a motherfucker. Ok, I'm lying. It's not that bad but you get the point. I was going to lie and say my jaw hurts because I got into a fight. Then I realized that would be lame and pointless. Even though people love reading about others getting their asses beat. You know it's true. I know it's true. I just realized that the bottle of Anbesol I am using has expired two years ago. It still works. I wonder what would happen if I slipped some into someones drink. Would their intensines become numb? Only one way to find out right?

Word of the day

I learned this word when I was a freshmen in high school. Ms. Mannon my Communications teacher is the one who taught my class this. She was a blonde with a nice rack. She came off as a total slut, and when she put this word on the board, it confirmed my suspicions about her. I loved her.

ec⋅dys⋅i⋅ast–noun stripper (def. 3).

Mr.

I wear shorts in public even though I have very hairy legs. I admire you. You don't care what others think when your furry legs approach them. You didn't think twice about putting on those tight khaki shorts and velcro sandals. If it was 1991 you would be sporting a fanny pack, but it's not. So you don't. I also give you credit for this. You are update to modern fashion; somewhat. If I had to pick one word to describe you it would be jolly. Because that is what you are. At least you were when I saw you at Baskin Robbins today. God bless you, you're family and mostly importantly, others who wears shorts in public who have hairy legs. I have hairy legs. I mostly wear shorts indoors. Sometimes I hesitate to wear shorts even if I have to throw out the garbage. Not you though. You shed your self-concious and take the world by the scrotum. One day, just maybe one day, I will do the same as you. Only time will tell.

ESPN

This is the greatest fucking channel ever. I could watch this all day. I think I actually have done that. Oh well. Sports sports sports! I love that shit. The anchors are very entertaining and intelligent. I can watch the same episode of Sportscenter three times in a row. I'm that addicted. It's so bad that when I have trouble falling asleep I turn on ESPN and end up watching it for at least a couple of hours. I'm doing that right now actually. Mike and Mike in the Morning is on. Great fucking show. If you don't like ESPN or do not have access to it, well I feel bad for you son. I got 99 problems but watching sports on TV ain't one.

Guns

Guns don't kill people, bullets do. If you have a gun. Good for you. Seriously. It's like a right of passage, but here's the thing, don't take pictures of them and put them on the internet. I am not interested in seeing you in a mustard stained wifebeater while you hold your pistol sideways. Let's be honest. Your gun is never going to leave your house. You know why? Because you're a pussy. Only pussies have guns. That's right you big vagina. You are what you eat, I smell vagina when you speak. Chances are you don't even own bullets. Fuck it. Chances are that it's not a real gun. Probably an air gun you stole off of one of your nerdy friends. Looky here buddy, that piece of plastic/metal will not make up for what you lack in the phallus department. If it does get you girls, those girls are mentally ill and should seek professional help immediately. Shit. Now I wish I had a gun so I could blow all you Super Soaker cheerleaders away.

WOO-HA

Chain text messages. I hate them. Do not send me shit saying that if I do not forward the message to X amount of people I will die. I will see to it that you will die. Not because of bad luck, but because of head trauma caused by yours truly. Thank you.

Myspace freakout

This shit is hilarious

L.A.C.(Life Around Creativity) The lineup-Destination Eardrums

This is the definition of hip hop. If you do not orgasm while listening to this then you are not human.

T-Pain

If I want to hear the sound of a man deepthroating a penis I'll visit a gay porn website instead of listening to your music. You're worth millions and your wardrobe looks like you robbed homeless people while they were sleeping. Your mouth is more foul than what's between Lil Kims' legs. Your hair is filled with disease. Your soul is filled with empty promises and dreams. That is all.

Soap

Not enough people use this great invention. It's cheap and helps to prevent the spreading of germs. It also leaves you smelling wonderful. But does everyone use it? Hell no. You wanna know why? Well I'll tell you why. It's because they are lazy bastards. They don't care what people around them think. They are comfortable with their stinkity stankity asses, but others aren't. I personally use Irish Spring. You don't have to use this soap because they are many. Too many to name actually. So next time you urinate please take 20 seconds to clean your paws with soap. It's people like you that make me not want to shake hands. Make me want to carry around a can of Febreeze. Make me want to beat you over the head with a bottle of peroxide. Do you want people to perceive you this way? I think not. My name is Bali. I'm a problem solver. I will verbally lash out at you until you sparkling clean. You still need to soap though. I can only help so much.

Bitches who hate on other bitches

That get men. Step your game up. I know you think you're prettier and have a ostentatious personality, but you're still not getting dicked. What's the problem? Why is that the bitch with the braces and cankles gets approached by guys more than you do? Well let's look at the problem. Firstly, you need to get rid of your holier than thou attitude. It's the biggest turn off. Ever. Only second to bitches who do not perform oral sex. Second of all, you're not as pretty as you think you are. Those compliments your family and friends give you are bullshit. Thirdly, this awesome personality you have does not exist. You think because you have read four novels in your lifetime, you are a certified scholar. Well I have news for you Simple Sally, reading the Harry Potter collection does not earn you a Nobel Peace Prize. Also, act sluttier. What Bali? YOU WANT ME TO BE A SLUT?!?! Relax Sista Souljah. All I'm saying is flirt more. Show a bit of skin. Do something different with your hair. Actually try to have a conversation with a male. Drink liquor. Trust me. It loosens you up. Follow these tips and maybe one day you can have a boyfriend of fuck buddy or whatever you kids call it these days. If you can't follow these steps in the present, at least stop reading Cosmopolitan. You might as well bang your head against a wall. Same effect and it's faster and cheaper.

Bluetooth Headsets

Should only be used at home. Yes I said it. When I see people in public using them it makes me think that they are the pilots of the ship called: IsuckDick 5000. The people who wear them in public the most are white males in their mid 40's. They usually have on a generic brand leather jacket, Levi jeans that they have had for over 20+ years, and a pair of shoes that they picked up from the broke bin at Payless. Well I would like to let you know that I am onto you. I see you at the grocery store pretending to talk to somebody when you massage the mangoes while wishing that they were the supple breasts of the 16 year old who always bags your groceries. Is it that hard to reach into your pocket and just grab your phone? Wait, I know. You're resting that hand for later on tonight. You'll be in your underwear watching Jimmy Fallon after finishing a cheap bottle of whisky. Now your hand comes into play. Luckily for you tonights guest is Sandra Bullock. Chyea! Somebody is going to have a party. After you get done violating yourself you stay still for 5 minutes. In these 5 minutes your old life flashes behind your eyes. The life where you were married and had two kids. Now you snap back into the present. Your wife left you because you had more interest in your toy train collection than you did in her. Now your eyes start to water. Then your kids come to mind. Caroline, who now goes by the stripper name "Candy" comes to mind. You're bursting with tears now because you just realized that last week you did 4 lines of blow and went to her place of business and got a lapdance from her. You try to calm down when your son comes to mind. Everybody tells you he's a homosexual. When you confront your son about this, he says he is emo. You Google the term and feel better. Then you do further research and realize emo is code for cumguzzler. You start to cry again. You are desperate. You reach for your bluetooth headset and put it on. You are now at peace. For now. Oh no! Your headset needs charging. You start to cry again.

The day I flew

To this day not even my mother believes this happened to me, but it did. I was in 5th grade. I woke up one morning during the winter and saw that it was snowing pretty heavy. Me being a lazy bastard I tried to use this as an excuse to skip school for the day. Unfortunately for me my school was two blocks from my house. As soon as I left the house I noticed that it was very windy. As I crossed the street that led directly to my school a strong force of wind hit me. When I looked down I saw that my feet were off of the ground. To give you a better mental image it was like David Blaine levitating. I was up there for about two seconds. Nobody at school believed me. Nobody in my family believed me. But believe you me, i was airborne. Moral of the story: Mother Nature is a bitch and she's very ugly without makeup.

Oatmeal

It's what's for breakfast. I haven't had it in years. Reminds me of middle school. Also reminds me that I'm too lazy to make an omelet. I can make the best omelets. I add red pepper and chopped garlic. Fuck now I want an omelet. I had milk with my oatmeal. Deliciousmundo my friendos. On that note I will pass out wherever my body pleases. I might wake up on the stairs. I just have to wait and find out.

Nocturnal flow

I grace mics, late night. Let's these cats chase mice. Wait till I rip it on the go like Geronimo, flow so sick it'll give you a head cold. You wanna know my secret, then peep it. It's not the way I write it, but the way you read it. So seize it.

Punjabi

I don't know or remember what I was thinking when I made this clip. So don't ask me. Just copy and paste the link into your browser, download and listen.

http://www.sendspace.com/file/09l8x6

FAO: Kings of Leon

I've heard about 30 seconds of your music and I hate you. If I ever see you guys in public I would beat you half to death with my elbows and knees. That is all.

Haircut

I think it's time for me to get one. My barbers name is Marisela. She's cute and very nice. She always tries to strike up a conversation in her horrible English. It's horrible. If she's not saying yes, I don't know what the fuck she's saying. So I just smile. I can't nod because that would fuck up the cut, and Bali can't walk around with a bad haircut. Definitely not happening. After I get my haircut I will go home and admire it in the mirror. I will line up the beard. I will shower. I will come out feeling like a million buckaroonies. Then the baby blue Adidas track pants with white stripes will go on. Top it off with a white t-shirt. I will then lay in my bed and rub the back of my head. Watch TV. Then fall asleep. This is a ritual that I will never stop doing. Never. Even If I'm married with children. It's just apart of who I am. Deal with it. I'm Bali, and I get haircuts. Nice to meet you bitches.

Imran Khan- Amplifier

I can't stop listening to this song. It's fucking sextacular. A lot of people have told me they don't like the song. Well you know what? Fuck you. You don't know good music. Listen to this joint and let it take you to the maddafuggin moon. Shit is like crack. Serioulsy. No lie. On the real.

I swing swords through bulletproof vests.

I also have a Masters Degree in Public Catastrophe. It's true. I got it from University of Phoenix online. Great program! Words to the wise: I smoke cigarettes but don't worry. They come pre-rolled and in a box. Can't get much safer than that. Speaking of smoking, I have noticed that smokers attract the scum of the Earth. I was downtown one time. I was smoking a cig and a homeless man saw this. He said: "Ay pretty boi, i like yo haircut. Can I get a smoke?" He thought if he complimented me on my looks he would get a cig from me. Plan backfired. I got nervous as fuck and walked by. As I walked by he said: "What? You ain't gonna even shake mah hand?" He had the saddest look on his face. Poor bastard. Literally. Living on the streets and not having cigarettes. Well homeless man if you're reading this, next time you want a cigarette from another male do not come onto them sexually. Maybe, just maybe if you do this you will be sucking down delicious cigarette smoke as you beg for change which you will use to buy liquor and/or drugs.

Pornography.

Every guy watches it. If you say you don't, you're a motherfucking liar and you will burn in hell. Pornography is a multi-billion dollar industry. And where are they getting their money from? Probably you. Yes you. The person reading this post as I type it. You wanna know why you watch it? Because you masturbate to it. That's why. There is no need to lie to friends or even strangers about it. If you do not watch porn/masturbate there is something very wrong with you. The excuses of:"It's disgusting." "It defiles women." "It doesn't do anything for me." are lyin, but you are no kings of the jungle. Instead they are walking inverted penises who think they have the upperHAND on others when they really don't. I'm going to watch porn now and enjoy the fuck out of it. My guess is after reading this, you will too.

Guys who treat women with "respect"

Yeah I'm talking to you. You know who you are. You hide behind religion and morals when in reality you are the biggest pervert known to mankind. You are the first to stand up for womens rights, not because you think they are equal to men, but because you think it's an easy way to fill that emotional void you carry with you. That shit is deeper than the Atlantic Ocean. So quick to call out "players" and "womanizers" when you cry and masturbate while trying to sleep. You see yourself as the "perfect" guy and can't realize why girls don't like you. I'll tell you why they don't like you. It's because you are a homosexual, and traditionally speaking, women do not want to have intimate relationships with homosexuals. Well, only if it's a TV show, but life isn't TV. If you want the girls to like you drop the vagina act and man the fuck up. Show confidence. Grow a beard. Take command. Control.

Drunk Indians tell the best jokes

Men who wear flip flops in public.

Listen, I know it's warm outside but cut that shit out. It's a very feminine look. Too feminine actually. Especially if you are with a woman who is sporting the same footwear as you. I hope you step on something very sharp so those flimsy things on your feet will rip apart. Maybe then you'll realize how stupid you are for wearing flip flops. Maybe then you'll also take off the sunglasses that are too big for your face. Maybe then you'll take a deep long look into your sexuality. Maybe then you will remove the penis from your anus. That is all.

I catch more second looks than Arabs at Jewish eateries.

I feel like when I'm in public people are staring at me. Am I paranoid? I think not. I mostly catch looks from males who are on their cell phones. Are they homosexuals who are bored with the conversations they're having with their boyfriends? Do I have something on my face? Am I naked? I noticed in public females are very subtle with their glances. A giveaway is when they dip their chin. Yes. When their chins drop about 2 inches they are looking at somebody. I have done many experiments and have come to this conclusion. What also works in their favor are seasons. They hide behind their sunglasses in the summer and behind they're heavy coats in the winter. So for all of you who stare at me, please stop. It makes me feel very uncomfortable. Maybe if you actually approached me and struck up a casual conversation we could be friends. We could get a burrito and talk about people who stare and laugh about it. I think this is the start to a great thing.

Fuck the kids.

I am the future, throw a throwback on my back and bitches will tell you there is nobody cuter. Part the legs like a lil kids haircut and hit the chooter. Seriously, I am the future. You can see that shit in my eyes. I am so smooth I could sell a ketchup popsicle to a woman in white gloves. I can turn water into wine by adding wine to water. I can chat a bitch up on the phone while watching Sportscenter and still pretend I am paying attention to every word she is saying. Fuck global warming, I am a walking solar panel. I am so cold chicken soup couldn't help me. This has been a paid advertisement from Baliwala Unlimited. A one man group that will fuck your girlfriend on his motorcycle whilst thinking about a turkey sandwich.

Beted.com

If you are interested in betting on sports or online casinos I suggest you use this site. The minimum deposit is only $10. Most websites make you deposit at least $50. The payouts are very quick. I've been using this site for over a year and have been raking in money. Copy and paste this link to sign up:http://www.beted.com/83540e70-7724

Tabla

I've been playing on and off since I was 6. Watch me do mah thangity thang.
http://www.break.com/usercontent/2009/7/tabla-827333.html

Sleeping

Who doesn't love that shit? Lately I've been waking up sweaty. It's a nasty feeling. Maybe it's because of the summer. I know what you're thinking: "Why don't you sleep naked?" No thanks. That is disgusting. I have respect for myself thank you very much. Ok ok, I sometimes go down to the boxers but that's it. I have a memory foam mattress. Be jealous. Be very jealous. Shit was engineered by NASA. Do you know what that means? That means I could literally take my mattress to the Moon and get a good nights sleep. Once again, envy me. I am Baliwala. I sleep on comfortable shit fully clothed.

The simple pleasures of life.

-Smoking a cigarette while enjoying a breeze
-Eating cold pizza in the middle of the night
-Realizing you're not at work while others are
-Waking up upside down. It's a nice way to get your scared first thing in the morning
-Shorts
-Watching people fall down
-Knowing you're the shit but being too lazy to tell people
-People knowing that you're the shit and telling you that you are, while you modestly deny it
-The sound of tabla
-Comfortable socks
-Ice cold milk
-Recycling, seriously. That shit is fun
-Irish Spring soap

People who use others peoples' pictures on the internet.

Mostly females do this. I never understood why. Maybe it's insecurity mixed with a boat load of low self-esteem. I thought this out as if I were a female. This is what I came up with. The girls obviously want attention from males, but what type of attention? They obviously think that if they use their actual pictures guys won't give them attention. Is this what society has done? Or are these girls just fucked in the head? Do they want to build friendships based on somebody elses looks? Do they use the internet as an escape to be whoever they want to be? I could not figure it out. So I gave up and took a nap. To all of you who have used pictures of somebody that is not you, past or present. Stay off the internet. You're ugly.

Breakfast

Nothing beats a steak and egg cheese bagel from McDonalds. Stuff is ridonkolously delish. Add orange juice to it, and you have sex in your hands. The only thing I hate is the chest pains I get after eating it. Oh well. Nothing is perfect right? I was gonna go with cereal, but I felt like a badass this morning. By the way: it's not fast food when you have to wait 5 minutes for your food when you're the only person in the restaurant. The drive-thru wasn't even busy. I got nervous because some old guy with a newspaper kept on staring at me. Fuck him and his paper. I got some news for him: you're old and I'm not. Take that you headline reading geezer.

I'm walking on the moon

My beef with female fashion.

Not slutty enough. That is all.

My beef with male fashion.

Is it just me or is a lot of male fashion today just fucking disgusting? When did being unshaven and having an uneven haircut become cool? Seriously, these dudes look like raped cavemen. Do girls really like this? Or is this something that they accept because the media deems it to be? What happened to shaving? Taking showers? Wearing shirts that have been ironed? This is another example that I am one of the few sane people left on this planet. Judgment Day is upon us. Hopefully one day we can go back to normalcy.

Youtube Videos.

My favorite Youtube videos are those of people who sing...at home. I find it to be more sincere. I haven't listened to the radio in years. I love it when people do covers of famous songs. I especially enjoy covers of old Punjabi songs. Like this one.

Banana Milkshakes.

For the past few months I have been having a banana milkshake everyday after I wake up. I use the Magic Bullet. Don't know what that is? Google that shit then. Anyway, I obviously banana and and milk, but I have a secret ingredient that I will share with you. The secret ingredient is: Ginger Ale, or Sprite. I know what you're thinking. "That sounds nasty", but it's not. Trust me on this one. I mean for crying out loud I'm putting this on a blog. Why would I ever lie to you? *fake smile*

I found out today that I'm not really an athlete.

I played basketball today. I usually play a few times a month, and since it's summer I've been playing more. Well today when I had the ball, somebody yelled out "OVER HERE." I planted my right foot pointing east and turned my entire body west. My right knee twisted. It hurt like a motherfucker. Then I thought of all the NBA games I've seen where players get similar injuries and walk it off. I tried doing the same. It made it worse. Now I'm sitting a Ziploc bag full ice on it. Yea, fuck sports.