Yesterday

I lived the life of a Pakistani housewife. Let me explain. When I woke up and went for my morning cigarette I saw that it was snowing. I got into mental shoveling mode. This is where I imagine myself shoveling snow. Definitely G status. I suggest you try it. So I go inside and get the necessary tools for the job. I want give you a long story about what happened, but I'll say I was like a rabid pit bull without a leash. I was a monster. Then when I went back inside to get some salt, my mom said that I should disperse the salt generously. I was like fa sho and saluted her like I was in the army. When I was done with that I felt like doing more chores. I don't know why. I had a pep in my step. I was bouncing around. So I clean my room. Shit was sparkling. I was very thorough. It didn't even take me long. Maybe I should do that for a living. Then I was like na uh. I'm not done. I vacuumed the entire second floor including my room. You should have seen me. I was pirouetting around the vacuum. Making it turn in ways I thought were impossible. I damn near moon walked. Do you think I was done? Is the Pope Jewish? I went to the bathroom and made it look brand new. I used more chemicals than Paris Hilton does on her face. Shit was insanely clean. It was so clean I felt like putting a sign on the door that said "out of service" because I didn't want it to get dirty again. My dad then told me that he needed help with his new mp3 player. I was on the family computer and had to download a bunch of shit for it, so in the meantime my parents and I enjoyed funny Punjabi poetry on Youtube. This is where I started to reflect on the day. The realization that this was the typical life for a woman in Pakistan hit me. I was pretty ashamed. No lie, but I found comfort in knowing they couldn't do the things I had done with my style. Then I took a shower. Afterall, I did work hard and was quite sweaty. I busted out a brand new bar of soap. That's how I get down. Then I got myself a burger. I damn near inhaled it. There was very little chewing. That's how hungry I was. I then thought about how much work I did that day. All of a sudden I fell asleep. When I woke up I smoked a cigarette. The smoking a cigarette part is probably the only thing that doesn't fall under the Pakistan female category. Actually, it probably does. God knows. I am Baliwala. My hips don't lie.