I believe

Sports is the leading cause of heart attacks. Here is my evidence: Game 5 of the ALCS Championship Series between the Angels and Yankees. The Angels jumped out to an early lead. This hurt my fragile heart because I had a financial stake on the game that was on the side of the Yankees. As the game went on, I started to accept the fact that I wouldn't win. Then all of a sudden the Yankees started to whoop ass. Oh shit! That was my reaction. I thought the stars had aligned in Balis' favor. With one chance left Nick Swisher came to bat. This guy looks like Popeye. He has a bulge of tobacco under his lower lip. My hands went over my face. You know why? Because he fucking sucks. That's why. Then I thought, perfect situation for him to become a hero. This would be his chance to redeem himself. You know what he did? Jack shit. That's what he did. I am Baliwala. My TV put me through an emotional rollercoaster. That is all.