Question

 Greatest actor of the past 10 years?

• 
  
  Leonardo Dicaprio


• 
  
  Tom Hanks


• 
  
  Denzel Washington


• 
  
  Will Smith


• 
  
  Johnny Depp

view results
Free vote poll

My uncle thinks

Wrestling is real. I can't persuade him that it's not. Everytime I do he says he saw Hulk Hogan beat up six guys on TV years ago. To this day that is what he uses as his evidence. I am Baliwala. When I kick and punch it's for real. That is all.

See me floss

Guys in their 20's

Who are losing their hair are a depressing sight. You are officially in the twilight of your life. Nothing can save you. There is no cure. I am Baliwala. You got 99 hairs on your head and you're are hoping to hold on to each and every last one. That is all.

Play this joke on your parents

Do not show your face to them the entire day, even when they call for you. Eventually one of your parents will try to come to your room. Leave the door closed but unlocked. Make sure you are naked(very important). They'll knock or barge in. Either way they'll enter the room. They'll see you butt naked on your bed. Make sure your hands are on interlocked and behind your head. Have a huge smile on your face. You parents will say:"Why are you naked?" You respond with: "I'm not naked, I'm wearing a smile." Works everytime. I am Baliwala. I love to grin. That is all.

My favorite insult

Is: Saban ka dushmaan(the enemy of soap.) This insult cuts deep into the victim. Think about it. You're telling somebody that they are so dirty that soap runs away from them. Ouch. Even I felt that when I typed it out. This does not only include bar soap but: detergent, bleach and any other product that is used to clean the body or anything in general as well. I am Baliwala. You can smell Irish Spring cuz I'm so clean. That is all.

Love vill find the vay

The reason

I get along with kids is because we have something in common; we are both easily amused. I am Baliwala. HAHAHAHA! I JUST SAW A RED CAR! That is all.

The tortoise and the hare

Raced each other. The hare was much faster than the tortoise and totally whooped his ass in the race. He ran backwards the entire time. I am Baliwala. Speed kills. That is all.

How much does a polar bear weigh?

Enough to break the ice. Sup? I am Baliwala. Nice to meet you. That is all.

By the way

Channing Tatum still sucks. Just a reminder. That is all.

Tell me your problems

In the comments and I'll pretend to care. I'll give you good advice, maybe. I am Baliwala. I'll lend you my ear when I have headphones on. That is all.

My World Series prediction

Yankees over Phillies in 6 games. That is all.

If you go to a

Big university, please stop bragging. They are about 40,000 other people that attend the same school as you. You are not special. I am Baliwala. Your school is not cool. As a matter of fact, you attending it only brings it down.That is all.

Word of the day 32

zaf⋅tig [zahf-tik, -tig]

–adjective Slang.
1. (of a woman) having a pleasantly plump figure.
2. full-bodied; well-proportioned.

I be like hold up!

Shut the fuck up

I will destroy you.

Caffeine

Makes me post. I am Baliwala. Pepsi is my drug on choice. That is all.

Channing Tatum

Is the worst actor in Hollywood today. Yea I said it. It had to be said. His verbiage reveals that he grew up in the suburbs, then was kidnapped at the age of 13 and dropped off in the projects. It doesn't matter what role he plays, he goes out of his way to prove he is the bastard son of Vanilla Ice. I know why he's in movies. It's because females find him attractive. I get that, but when did being a dumbass because fashionable? This guy sounds like he was hit over the head with a brick multiple times. I am Baliwala. I think Channing is a Tatter-tot. That is all.

Guys who

Lie to other guys to impress them, are pathetic. There is no logic behind it. I can see why they would lie to girls. It is obviously to get into their pants, but why lie to guys? Some might say it is to find acceptance amongst their peers. After much deliberation, I have come up with the actual explanation. The reason is: they are closet homosexuals. Yes. That is the truth. I can see why they would lie to me. They see a young, innocent Pakistani male. They want to exploit my delicacy. Oh well. Now you people know the truth. I am Baliwala. I don't care what car you claim to drive, I'm not going to suck your dick. That is all.

What am I going to be doing for Halloween?

I'll tell you what I'm going to be doing, I'm going to pray for all of your lost souls. While you're drinking and dressed up like transvestites, I will be in deep thought. I will be figuring out ways to save the world while you do The Monster Mash(Youtube that shit). I will have all of my lights on while you find comfort in the darkness of your soul. I'll be fast asleep while you rub that lipstick off of your face-I'm talking about the males. I am Baliwala. My occupation is to stop the inauguration of Satan. That is all.

Juveniles today

Should go to a program like this. It'll change the way they act. I guarantee it.

Wash your hands

You dirty fucks. That's how a lot of germs are transmitted. Take this advice if you do not want to kill your loved ones. I am Baliwala. I don't shake hands. I wave at people. That is all.

People who don't

"Like" talking on the phone are social rejects. Yes I said it. People need to realize that verbally communicating with humans is apart of life. So fuck all of you texters and habitual imers. This is for you. Pick up a phone. Call somebody and have a conversation. Don't know what to talk about? How about: ANYTHING. Shit, anything that doesn't involve you loling. It'll be good for your health. Trust me. I am Baliwala. I will talk to you until your cell phone battery dies. That is all.

Guys who

Say "ma" when referring to females, should be shot. What the fuck are they thinking? Do they know that it is 2009 and not 1873 in the southern U.S.? That is all.

I believe

Sports is the leading cause of heart attacks. Here is my evidence: Game 5 of the ALCS Championship Series between the Angels and Yankees. The Angels jumped out to an early lead. This hurt my fragile heart because I had a financial stake on the game that was on the side of the Yankees. As the game went on, I started to accept the fact that I wouldn't win. Then all of a sudden the Yankees started to whoop ass. Oh shit! That was my reaction. I thought the stars had aligned in Balis' favor. With one chance left Nick Swisher came to bat. This guy looks like Popeye. He has a bulge of tobacco under his lower lip. My hands went over my face. You know why? Because he fucking sucks. That's why. Then I thought, perfect situation for him to become a hero. This would be his chance to redeem himself. You know what he did? Jack shit. That's what he did. I am Baliwala. My TV put me through an emotional rollercoaster. That is all.

People who yell on the phone

Need to cut that shit out, especially after I tell you that you are yelling. We're not in a room or crowded place. Please stop. I don't care if you're on a sugar high. That excuse will not work. I am Baliwala. Can you hear me now? Yes I can. Relax. That is all.

You wanted me to blog about you guys

Here you go. Yea. That is all.

Word of the day 31

lien [leen, lee-uhn]

–noun
Law. the legal claim of one person upon the property of another person to secure the payment of a debt or the satisfaction of an obligation.

Some people are delusional

Most spoken word poetry

Is plain nonsense. I do not understand why people are so fascinated by this. It's usually some guy who is unshaven standing on a stage jitterbugging. He'll have on a funny hat and be leaning to his left side. His eyes will be closed and his hands will make odd gestures. Every few words the "poet" makes their voice louder. For the "poetry" itself, it is usually a bunch of jumbled words. Peoples' reactions are usually "OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH." Easily impressed by some goof. Spoken word poetry is simple. Shit, I can even do it. Here's my attempt off the top of my head: I look for THE coffee grounds....on MY.....pillows of love....AND.....pencils of lust run through...MY genitals like....flies to SHIT.....but my main concern is MY hymen...which IS.....triangular....spectacular.....rectangular *crowd goes ooohhhhhhhhhh* you SEE it's I before E, except after C, cups of juice in MY hands...feel like DIAMONDS of A white woman who IS half black. There. Simple. I am Baliwala. I am poetry in motion. That is all.

I present

Bilal Khan

Hmmm

Please don't

Read my blog to me while I'm on the phone with you. It is very creepy. That is all.

I couldn't have said it better myself

Check out the July and August archives

It's where I wrote most of my entries. Enjoy.

To the woman who

Asked me for a dollar for the bus today, fuck you. Why did you smile when you asked? When you beg for money you should have a look of desperation on your face. I smiled and said no. Guess what? I did have a dollar. As a matter of fact, I had TWO! HA! In your face you commuting female. It's not my fault you forgot to bring the necessary fare to board the bus. Better luck next time. I am Baliwala. There are traces of lipstick on my collar, baby you gotta do some more to get this dollar. That is all.

Wake me when September ends

Nevermind. It's the middle of October. That is all.

Catch up on the latest MMA news and notes

http://www.fightscoops.blogspot.com

Guest blogger

I'm giving you the opportunity to be a guest blogger. Submit your entries to pakinizzle@rock.com. I'll pick more than one to post if I think it's worthy. Let's do this.

Word of the day 30

im⋅pinge [im-pinj]

–verb (used without object)
1. to make an impression; have an effect or impact (usually fol. by on or upon): to impinge upon the imagination; social pressures that impinge upon one's daily life.
2. to encroach; infringe (usually fol. by on or upon): to impinge on another's rights.
3. to strike; dash; collide (usually fol. by on, upon, or against): rays of light impinging on the eye.

The drunk desi neighbor is back at it again

Well his younger brother was. I was annoyed by somebody yelling outside. I knew who it was, so I went to check it out. I stood outside and lit my cigarette. About 30 feet to my left a drunk desi teen was yelling obscenities into his phone. I'm sure that the entire neighborhood could hear him. I tried my best not to laugh, so I turned away a bit. This shit was hilarious. It gets much better though. Out of nowhere he hangs up the phone and starts running away from me. He grabs hold of a garbage can and starts kicking and punching it. LOL! Holy shit. Thinking about it now is giving me the giggles. I have never seen that in my life. He ended the "fight" by throwing the can against a brick wall. I felt bad for whoever the garbage can belonged to. They would probably have to clean up after him the next morning. Then his family came out. He went up to his mother and started weeping. In Urdu he said: "HE HIT ME IN THE FACE!" This made me laugh even more. I went back inside and guess what? I laughed some more. I am Baliwala. Homies be crazies these days. They hurt anyone or anything that talks trash. That is all.

I want it to snow

You know why? Because I love shoveling that shit. That's why. It's about the only exercise I get. Also, I get to wear clothes that make me look intimidating. The articles of clothing are: black coat with black hood, black pants, black gloves, black shoes. The hood covers most of my face. I have my iPod on and I really get into the music. The rhythm of the music paces my shoveling. People usually cross the street when they see me. You would do the same if you saw somebody frantically shoveling snow and wearing those type of clothes. All I need is a black shovel. That would complete the look. The shovel I have now is dark red. Not very intimidating but it gets the job done. I am Baliwala. I want to kill your snowman. That is all.

Dear Diary

Today was a fine day. I got the music in my soul. I'm writing songs and making records. I feel my life is finally whole. I'll outsell Whitney and Janet, Celine and Madonna. I feel a big hit coming

Love, Rhianna.

The Official Baliwala Contest

Yes, you read right. I am holding a contest. The winner will receive a grand prize of one dollar (US currency). Bali, what do I have to do to enter this contest? Write an essay that has at least 200 words. What should I write about? Write about why you think you deserve a dollar. It could be anything. Contest ends on October 13th, 2009. This is not a joke. You must have a Paypal account to join. How will you read my submission. Send your submissions to: PagaljaanuAThotmail.com(replace AT with @).

That girl

In the Beyonce Put a Ring on it video is hot as fuck. Which girl? The girl around the 2:20 mark who's on the right. I am Baliwala. I can be your ivory. You can be my ebony. That is all.

People who stop

Talking to their friends because they have a boyfriend or girlfriend, are pathetic. They go off into a magical world of fantasy filled with unicorns. Cut themselves off of from reality and make up their own. Ignorance truly is bliss. They think that one person is all they need to fulfill their social needs . This is not true. There's a reason there are over six billion people on Earth. Give that a thought. The best part is when they break up. They come start conversing because they "need somebody to talk to." Really? Why don't you talk to your....oh yea, your relationship is dead. I forgot. This goes to show you that some people only talk to you when they need something. They do not give two shits about what is going on in your life. If they get a papercut, it's a fucking tragedy. When you do not show a reciprocation in feelings, you're "mean." I digress. Back to the main topic. So they waste your time and tell you about the good and bad times. How much they miss them. That time where they cooked or bought them something. How life will never be the same. How they want to die(LOL!). It doesn't matter what you say, it will not make them feel better. I recommend this being a good time to read a book or watch TV. I am Baliwala. If you try use my shoulder to cry on I will move out of the way and you will fall on your face. That is all.

I'm afraid to have a daughter

You know why? Because I don't want her to become a whore. That's why. I am Baliwala. I'm sitting in a tree with some a girl. K-i-s-s-i-n-g. First came love. Then came love. Now that bitch has a baby carriage. Bali Jr. was his name. Wants to be like his old. That will be his claim to fame. That is all.

I just took a shower

I feel energetic and refreshed. I feel like I can take the world by the horns. Fuck it. I'm going to sleep. I am Baliwala. I wake up sweaty. That is all.

I'm looking for a girlfiend

My criteria:

-Drop dead gorgeous
-Low self-esteem
-Rich
-Stupid
-Easily influenced by what I say
-Hot
-Not afraid to speak her mind
-Not ugly
-Cute
-Has to have a sense of humor
-Movie buff
-Fan of desi music
-Good looking
-5'2-5'6
-No fatties
-Not crazy
-Hot
-Not braindead
-Has to fall in love with me within the first 3 minutes of talking to me
-Must drink water
-Blueish/greenish/hazelish eyes
-Karate expert
-Has to know that Dr. Pepper really isn't a doctor
-No cornrows
-Has to know that Bollywood is fiction(MY MOST IMPORTANT REQUIREMENT)
-French manicure
-Has to think I'm the greatest thing ever
-Sexy

If you or anybody you know fits these requirements, leave a comment. Or call 1-800-CRIME-TV. Let's do this.

I cried

Yesterday. I can't remember the last time tears came down my face. Cutting onions is a bitch. I am Baliwala. Cry me a river. That is all.

Word of the day 29

Potulent

1. Fit to drink; potable.

2. Nearly drunk; tipsy.