In high school

I used to attend events called International Nights. This is where high school's during the spring would put on shows where their various ethnic clubs would dance. I not only attended the one my high school, but those of other schools. The main reason I went was because of the girls. They would get dolled up and giggle at the sight of any Desi man, even an old one. But that wasn't the only thing that made me want to go. After a while I noticed certain types of people went to these events.

The Drunk Fob
There's always of these guys who show up to the event intoxicated. They usually would have globs of hair on their head and uneven facial hair. I once had the luxury of meeting one of these fine fellows. He sat next to me and seemed upset. I asked what was the matter and he replied with "pucking drink porty and guy trynna fight." I had to replay what he said a few times in my head to comprehend his verbiage, I replied with "just chill." It's the only reasonable thing I could have said to him. I have a feeling he might be in jail as I write this. Oh well.

The Highlight Girl
This is the girl who used to always have blond and/or brown highlights. Her hair is usually just past medium length. She wears a pea coat and stuffs her hands in her pocket. It is still kind of cold outside and she looks cute in it, so she can get it away with the look. She's usually with 3-4 friends. She usually has the fairest skin and is about one inch taller than the girls around her. She sports a cute smile. She knows guys are looking at her because she scopes out the males with her peripherals. Her grades are good and she's a virgin.....well at least that's what she wants people to think.

The Star of The Show
This is the main attraction of the show. He has been only in America for a few years, but is needed for events like these because he knows Bollywood in and out and is fluent in the national languages of the Motherland. He recently discovered Express and and bought everything off the clearance rack. This is when girls start to notice him. There's more. He's going to do a solo dance at the show to Ek Pal Ka Jeena. Youtube it and watch the dance. He does it the same exact way, some might say even better. Now the girls are really hot and bothered. He can kind of dress AND he can dance? OMG! Now he has the attention of the girls. But wait. The girls have kept their infatuation to themselves. They feel embarrassed that they have a crush on the fob. Their adulation comes out when he is on stage. He's wearing dark denim jeans with a matching denim jacket. There's more. His eyes are hidden behind a pair of Dollar Store sunglasses. His blatant regard for societal norms by wearing sunglasses not only at night but indoors sends the girls into a frenzy. After he's done they tell their friends he's cute, but in a sad sort of way. They think he's a charity case and pity him. Then they end up asking for him an autograph and his AIM after the show among the shadows.

The Couple
Have a boyfriend of girlfriend that you can't be seen in public with? Don't worry you can at this event. You get to show your peers that you have the capacity to fool someone of the opposite gender that you're not a complete waste of life. If you're a girl make sure to hold your boyfriend's hand as if you're helping a blind person cross a street. Guys, make sure to pout your lips when other guys see come into your line of vision. This shows that not only are you a homosexual, but you have fooled someone into thinking that you're not. Girls make sure during a romantic song to rest your head on his shoulder. Guys make sure to pull out your phone and pretend you're getting an important text. I mean you have to let this girl that you do care, but not that much.

I am Baliwala. The only place I dance is in my room. That is all.