I'm going to buy

Everyone in the world a ruler. I'll tell you why; it's because motherfuckers don't know what certain measurements are. I'll tell you a tale as an example. Back in my high school days I was a total bad ass. I smoked 3 cigarettes a week and cut class from time to time. Sometimes I wouldn't even do my homework. I know what you're thinking; I should have gone to jail, but I played the system because when it comes to crime I'm John Dillinger status. I digress. So one day when I was cutting class I decided to head over to the local Subway. Folks, this was when they didn't have $5 foot longs. I was a baller like that. I didn't need a sale to get myself a sandwich. Fuck that. So I walk in. The place was completely empty. Because of this the person working there decided it would be a good time to make himself a sandwich and not eat it, but inhale it. Yes ladies and gentlemen. It looked like he didn't even chew. That hungry motherfucker. When he saw me he pops up and heads behind the counter. I place my order. While I'm waiting an older female walks in. I saw that there was a relatively new Mercedes parked outside that I hadn't seen when entering, so I assumed it was hers. I also assumed that she must have been pretty wealthy and that she frequented Subways. I was proved wrong right away. She asked what type of sandwiches they had. The employee started off by saying that they offered two types of sandwiches; 6 inch subs and foot longs. The woman bit the end of her sunglasses and said:" How long is the foot long?" My mouth and the mouth of the employee dropped in unison. How the fuck did this bitch make it through life without knowing something so simple? I let out a quick "ha". She gave me a cold stare. I didn't give a fuck. It's not my fault she didn't possess common sense. I am Baliwala. How long is that? That's what she said. That is all.