Teri

Meri,meri teri, prem kahani is not mushkil at all. If anything, you've made it difficult. You're more hot and cold than summer changing into winter. You always ask me where I've gone. I haven't gone anywhere. I've always been here. You might have wandered off, but I have not. You always say that I forgot about you. Not true. I've said many times that I have an excellent memory. You ask if I have a girlfriend. When I tell you I don't, you're surprised. You shouldn't be. You ask me to send you new music. I inform you that my musical tastes, much like myself, rarely change. I wish you would understand that. I am Baliwala. This is one of the very few times I'll use Bollywood to express anything in my life. That is all.

Really?

That's like saying you hate Hitler or despise rape. What's next? You're going to tell everybody to wear a coat when it's cold outside? Tell us to drink something cold if we're thirsty?

It's your life

Can you spot the caterpillars?

Tell us how you really feel

I usually

Don't get involved with extra-circular activities, but today I did something a bit different. All the clubs from my institution of higher learning were signing people up. The first club, and the one with the most commotion around it, was the Gay club. No problem. I'll just scoot myself past the table. As soon as I do this, a gargantuan man starts booty-shaking. Problem. I looked around and saw that nothing really interested me. Then I came across a bunch of people around monitors playing video games. One of my old co-workers was sitting behind the table of the video game club so I decided to say hello. I then proceeded to watch others play some fighting game. I think it was Street Fighter. As the crowd grew, so did the body odor. My goodness that shit was foul. Then I looked at the faces of the people who emitted this stankyness. I'm sorry to say they looked like the typical video gamers. Clothing that 6th graders wear that was probably purchased at Wal-Mart. Hair looking like they just woke up then rubbed their scalp against a concrete wall. Patches of facial hair with no uniformity. Weird vernacular that they heard probably watching Pokemon. I then had a decision to make. Should I involve myself with these people? Should I take the plunge and go into the darkest depths of society., I said yes. I'm no punk. I'm not scared. I asked my former co-worker to sign me up. He handed me a piece of paper that wanted some info. Where it asked when I was available, I said anytime. Not true but whatever. He then told me when the meetings were and what the club entailed. It was actually pretty interesting, but guess what? I'll give you some more time to guess. Time's up. I'm not showing up to that shit. I even put a real phone number and email. Do you think I'm going to respond to them trying to get in contact with me? I'll give you some time to mull that over. Time's up. Hell no. I don't have time to be plugging my nose to stop myself from vomiting because the idea of soap to some people is foreign. The reason I signed up was because I wanted those weirdos to feel like they weren't outcasts from society. To feel that somebody as cool as me, who wears blue jeans and Nike's would like to associate with them. I think it worked. Oh yea. There was a floppy-haired Asian kid. Just wanted to share that. I am Baliwala. When I shoot to kill, you don't come back to life. My high score can't be calculated. That is all.

Seriously

Why do so many big girls have small voices? Is it an attempt at being cute or feminine? It's something I will never understand. Just wanted to share.

So

Check it. I was outside enjoying guess what? If you guessed a tobacco cigarette, then you are correct. I usually look off to the side while I slowly kill myself just in case I catch a neighbor in my line of vision so I can say hello. For some reason I did something different this time. I looked all the way up. There is a condominium complex across the street. My eyes immediately went to the top floor. There weren't any objects obstructing my view. I saw a man who had no blinds or curtains in his window, who looked like he was running in place. Hmmm. I thought he might have been playing the Wii. I stopped looking. I thought if somebody was watching me I'd feel uncomfortable, so I looked down and to my left. But I couldn't resist. I looked back up but he was gone. As soon as I decided to look back down, he returned, but this time with a cat. He had the feline over his left shoulder and he slow danced. Immediate laughter ensued. What the fuck was he doing? Was this foreplay for the unthinkable? The funny thing is I've never seen this guy around my neighborhood. Maybe he broke into somebody's place for his sick ritual. I'm not sure. I am Baliwala. I don't dance, I just pull up Mr.Wiggles and do throw the Cat Nip away. That is all.

It's true

Vote

 Should prostitution be legalized?

• 
  
  Yes


• 
  
  No

view results
Free vote poll

How you doin'?

The pic

And the person who like it are one in the same.

Catchy

Another fan sign

Answered your questions

http://vocaroo.com/?media=v3YNged6kLSP3Rb7G

Copy and paste into address bar.

Females

When we have our first conversation, please do not make it feel like an interview for admission into the CIA. I understand you want to know about my goals and aspirations, and you possibly want to share yours as well, but sometimes it goes too far. When figures of income and car choice come into play, I feel like you have a pen and clipboard in front of you. I guess you do this because in your simple minds you see us getting married based off seeing a few pictures, or even glancing at me from across a dimly lit room. Don't think. Just go with the flow. Stay away from questions that have to do with my religious beliefs. We all know that is personal, so it's not a good thing to throw into the first conversation you have with me or anybody else. Do not be so rigid. Also, do not ask me the same question multiple times. Either you have a horrible memory or are trying to catch me in a lie. I do not respect your stupidity or you trying to insult my intelligence. We don't know each other so let's keep it casual. I am Baliwala. My height and weight are, ah fuck it. That is all.

Below is an extreme example, but ladies, it gives you a gist of what NOT to say to a guy or anybody else during your first conversation. I don't know what type of dimwits you deal with, but if you try and act like you're better than and iPhone10, I will put you in your place, babygirl.

First fan sign submitted

I think

One of my classmates is homeless. He's an older man who doesn't speak much, so when he did, I was surprised to hear a strong British accent. I personally think it's put on, but I could be dead wrong. This guy comes to class drenched in sweat. No matter what the temperature is he looks like he got caught in a thunderstorm. He also comes to class with multiple bags. A book bag and a at least two gym bags. This isn't too surprising. I'm sure you've all seen people around campus with more then just a book bag, but today I investigated the situation a bit more. When I entered the classroom today, this gentleman got up and to get something out of one his gym bags. He pulled out a coffee mug. It was the type that is used at home. Not a big deal I guess. Then he pulled out a huge steel coffee container which he poured into his cup. Hmm, maybe he just likes homemade coffee a lot. I then peered more and saw that a few zippers of the gym bag were open. I saw a jar of coffee grounds, a bottle of Windex, a squeegee, a box of soap ( I didn't know if it was empty or not). I was pretty surprised. I'm still not sure if he's homeless. Maybe he just likes bringing the comforts of home with him no matter where he goes. I might buy him a Twix from the vending machine. He might be hungry. I am Baliwala. I have a roof over my head as I write this. That is all.

Answered

Questions from the blog but forgot to record it. I'm too exhausted to do it again today, but I will probably do it in the next week.

Please

Do not waste my text messages with your incessant bullshit. I only have 400 per month, so unless it's important. Leave me alone. Thanks.

Lol what?

Yea

One guy's opinion on the fight

You think you know but you don't

In the comments below

Tell me where you're from. Don't have to be specific if you don't want to. Just interested in knowing where the bulk of my readers come from.

If I

Sat down with the Devil I would tell him that he has influenced me, but not as much as he thinks or wishes. I'd tell him that he has taken me to the edge but I pulled myself back when I saw over it. I'd tell him that I know he'll pop in and out of my life, but with each time, I mind less and less. It'll come to the point where I'd laugh at his presence. Kind of like seeing somebody with a clown wig on. Nothing too serious. I'd tell him that I've seen the damage he has done to the world and even people around me, but that does not increase my hate for him. For hate holds back anything and everything I try to do. I'd tell him that he's not as strong as he thinks. Kind of like a guy who only works out his biceps. I'd tell him that if we got into a fight, he might hit me a few times, but in the end I'd beat the dog shit out of him. I'm Tyson. He's an infant. I'd tell him that you are below me. Literally and figuratively. I'd tell him that in the past my anger could have rivaled his, but I have pulled back now because I know better. I'd tell him if he wanted my soul in exchange for anything I could dream of, I'd respond by giving him the lint out of my pocket in exchange for him to shut the fuck up. I'd tell him I am a fallen angel as well, but I'm steadily standing back up while he lays in the ruins. I'd tell him that the people who worship you are weirdos and social rejects. It really isn't cool to follow you. I'd tell him to stick around, because what he's about to see will blow his mind. I'd tell him that he's like henna; temporary. I'd tell him to crack a smile once in a while. It doesn't hurt, trust me. I'd tell him he looks like he fell from the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. I'd tell him his temptations and desires and like a chubby girl, they look good from a distance, but worse as you get closer. I am Baliwala. I danced with the Devil and he ended up breaking his ankles. That is all.

All of you

Guys who complain about being put in the friend zone by females, please shut the fuck up. This is purely you're doing. If you show yourself to be a friend instead of a romantic interest, that's exactly how a girl will receive you. Don't get me wrong. Girls do want a guy who can show them a sensitive side and listens, but they do not want a bitch boy as a boyfriend. It's as simple as that. Man up. Show these females that you have testicles. Please do not tell them you have watched The Notebook multiple times even if you actually have. Not a good idea. I am Baliwala. Once a girl says that she considers me as a brother, I throw her the peace sign. That is all.

Talent

Help fight Somalian hunger

Info is in the description of the video. Click on the Youtube symbol once the video starts playing.

I pity

The fool that falls in love with you. Besides a pretty face, you nothing to offer. Literally nothing. Your idea of great cinema is a Bollywood movie that costs less than a pair of Nike's to make. Your favorite song was sung in the 70's by a woman with an annoyingly high-pitched voice about how your love can be found in nature. If news isn't breaking and on every channel, you are ignorant of the world's events. You think your religion is the best even though you don't have a clue about others, and even your own. You believe your virginity gives you Sainthood. You seek salvation by putting religious quotes in your Facebook status. You believe that since you're going to a community college and work part-time you're the busiest girl in the world. You believe taking pics in front of a mirror brings out your inner-beauty. You rebel by staying up past midnight on the weekend. The "craziest" thing you've done is smoke hookah at a shady restaurant. With all this being said, you'll still find plenty of guys who are crazy about you, and the other way around. You might even live happily ever after, and I hope you do, but you will always be ignorant. The funny thing about ignorance is that it never lasts forever. You'll tremble as the deceiving cloud of your fantasy lifts. As it does, you'll look for me, but I won't be there. By then the dust of my footsteps will be gone as well. I am Baliwala. There a thousand of you but only one of me. That is all.

Safety first guys

Throwback...When I used to have spiked hair

Shit yaar

Ask me a question

In the comments below and I will answer them in a voice clip. Haven't done this in a while.

Be humble

If you own a sports car remember that at any second if you decide to be a hero and hit the pedal to the medal, you could lose your life. If you are good looking realize that you're one knife fight or drug addiction away from being fugly. If you are rich or wealthy, realize that you are one night at the casino, one bad business investment, or one gold-digging girlfriend away from being broke. If you believe you are wise remember that one day your wisdom might run out. Wisdom is a well. Go to it too often and it will run dry. If you are religious, remember that humans are not perfect and the lifelong pursuit of it might leave you bitter and angry at God. If you are physically fit, remember that you are one binge-eating month away from being a heart disease patient. If you pride yourself on being sexually active, realize that you're one STD away from people being disgusted by you. I am Baliwala. I'm very happy with being average. You should be too. That is all.

Truer words have never been spoken