My

First semester of college was very eventful, not because of the college experience, or growing up, but because of a special girl. I had cultural anthropology at 8 am. I was late to the class the first day. I found this to be personally embarrassing and vowed to be never late again. At the time it didn't seem like a silly goal. The next day I woke up an hour than I did the day before. We were finishing up going over the last part of the syllabus in class. When the professor concluded he asked if there were any questions. Only one hand was raised. This was the hand of a recent arrival to the U.S. via Gujurat, India. After having permission to speak she said: "OOHHH OHHH TEACHER TEACHER, CAN WE HAVE LIKE PIZZA PAHTEE AT END OF TERM?" I wanted to laugh but I was in such shock that I could not produce laughter. I could not believe this shit. She had to be kidding. A couple of weeks later I was early to class. Within moments Ms. Cheese Eater appeared. She had on huge headphones and a CD player. That's right, a fucking CD player. I felt bad and thought that maybe she wasn't fortunate enough to afford a MP3 player. Fuck that. Anybody and everybody can afford one. I had to come up with an excuse so I wouldn't laugh in her face. Halloween had just passed. She asked if I gave out a lot of candy and I replied that I didn't. When I asked her she replied with: "YEAH AT SARI STORE WE GAVE OUT KINGAH SIZED KITAH KATTAH BAR." Once again I couldn't believe what I had just heard so I pretended that I didn't. Leaving class the zipper on my book bag was stuck. Out of nowhere she swooped in and snatched my bag. Then with the power of The Incredible Hulk she fixed it. I was actually thankful even though what she did could have gotten her smacked if I had panicked. That's something my mom usually did for me. I don't know what happened, but Ms. Book Bag Fixer ended up sitting next to me around midterms. One day in class we were watching a film on an indigenous people. I found it pretty nasty because they were walking around in nothing but loin cloths. A very disturbing sight. Anyway. I digress. There was a part of the film where the people killed chickens by breaking their necks. I don't know if it was apart of a ritual or they just had an odd way of making dinner, but that's what happened. When the snap of the neck was heard many moans and groans were produced. I even cringed. But Ms. My Hair Is Too Long And I Should Have Cut My Hair 2 Years Ago, turned completely around. It was very dramatic. When she turned back around she said:" YEA YOU PROBABLEE ENJOY THAT....MEAT EATER SALA!" Whoa whoa, I was bothered by the same thing. Sorry for not jumping up, hiding under my desk and crying. After that day things were never the same. I am Baliwala. I hope you remember me, wherever you are....who the fuck am I kidding? You probably got deported and are currently married with 4 kids with the 5th one on its way. That is all.