No need to worry

Your boy Bali is back. Please excuse my brief absence. I won't lie and say that I've been really really busy with stuff, because I haven't been. Simply put, I had no desire to post. I know what you're wondering. How was your New Years Bali? Well I'll tell you about it. Gather around. Disclaimer: The identities of the people in this story have been altered. So have the locations. You know why? Because I fucking feel like doing it. I'm a mischievous kid. You should be used to it by now. That's why. My New Years was pretty simple. Just hit up a couple of clubs with some friends. It was cold as hell outsid. Hold on. How can something be cold as hell? Isn't that the opposite? Fuck that. I digress. Before we did anything, I urinated in an alley. I had to go bad. This only gave me more confirmation that urination in public should be legalized. The first club I went to was pretty small. We'll call it "The Diddy Bop." After about a half hour my friends and I decide to leave. Nothing was really going on. The second club we went to was called "Tough Titty said the Kitty." I know that place does not exist. Reread the disclaimer if you are confused. The Tough Titty said the Kitty was pretty fun. It had more than one level, and we saw some people we knew. After a while we said fuck it and decided to go back to the Diddy Bop. I mean we literally did. We put our hands up, pouted our lips and said fuck this shit. Let's break like Kit-Kat. When we arrived at the Diddy Bop it was very crowded. Somebody must have made a phone call because now the place was infested with Desis. I say infested because these people were like rodents running around. I have never seen so many guys and girls overdressed for an occasion. Don't get me wrong, it was a special night, but it's not your wedding. God damnit, these motherfuckers must have spent everything in their bank accounts on their attire. I came dressed just right. I know wasup. Anyway while at the club, a very drunk recent arrival from India/Pakistan decided to put his hands on me. He thought my name was Shahid. When I informed this fumbling idiot that I was not Shahid, he still wanted to converse. I tried my best to communicate with this buffoon. I really did. I excused that English was not his first language and that he was wasted. I tried to be nice, but it wasn't working out guys. I walked away. He went after me and I ran away. After that we went to get something to eat. We'll call this place "Le Menage a Trois." Sounds fancy right? I could bullshit restaurant names for a living. Well we were eating and wanted some chips. Here's the thing: we didn't want to pay for that shit. You know why? Because chips should be free for everybody. We got about 2 bags. We felt like we were on a roll. When we went to get the third, the hammer dropped on us. My friend "Joe" was caught. One of the employees yelled out "THAT'S NOT COOL BRO!" So Joe paid for the chips. This made me chuckle. The intensity on this guys' face was amazing. Then I pissed in an alley again. Then we went home. I am Baliwala. I am for public urination and free potato chips for every citizen. Vote for me. That is all.