Listen up motherfuckers

We all know what's going on Haiti. I know if you're reading this your heartless carcass probably hasn't donated a single dime. This can change. Click on the banner to the right and donate. Minimum donation is $10. Come on. Stop being choots about this. If you can help, which you probably can, please do. Oh yeah, if you're being a smart ass and saying to yourself:"Why doesn't Bali donate?" Well I already have you piece of shit. So fuck off. Give the money. People are dying and you can actually have a hand in helping them.

Some people do not belong in college

So I was in class once again today because I'm an intellectual G like that. I've noticed so far that there are certain people who just show up on campus to hang out. These people do not have books or bookbags. Just dumb looks on their faces. I'll see the same exact people when I enter campus as I do leaving. These motherfuckers are pieces of garbage. All they do is walk around and yell shit out. "HELL NAW I DIDN'T STUDY! HAHAHAHAHHAA!" "HELL YEA IM GETTIN FINANCIAL AID!" Never in my life have I witnessed such ignorance go hand in hand with pride. It's disgusting. What really bothers me is that they act like nobody is around. Like nobody can hear their ramblings. Also, who the fuck hangs out at school? Since when did an institution for higher learning become a chill spot? Who the hell calls up the homies and asks if they want to kick it by the registrars' office? Can't these motherfuckers stand outside? Ok, I know it's cold, so fucking go into a Starbucks or some shit. Hustle up some change and order a small latte. Buy a cookie. It's people like this that make me regret getting up in the morning. I am Baliwala. Some people have a Masters Degree in Public Debauchery. That is all.

proud victims of physical abuse

Nice guy

It's the truth

People always ask me

If they are the subject or inspiration for my entries. The answer is hell yes. Here's the thing, sometimes I'll tell you directly if it is, sometimes I won't. You know why? Because certain people can't handle the truth even when they say they can. That's how it unfortunately is. When some people ask me to be completely honest, and I am, the other person usual ends up in tears. My entries are usually sparked by conversations I have with people and not personal attacks. Then there are certain posts where I do try to rip somebody a new asshole. I'm just G status like that. I'm here to keep the readers modest. Whenever you feel like your ego is getting huge, I'll be right there to knock your donkey ass back to reality. Other posts are just past stories or about my day. When I have an entry that comes off as a generalization, let it be known that my opinion is based on my personal experiences. You don't have to agree, as a matter of fact, I'd prefer that you don't agree because then a discussion can be sparked. For all you people who sit and read and tell yourselves that you're not like the people I write about, stop lying to yourselves. It's ok to admit your flaws. I am Baliwala. If you're reading this, YES THIS ENTRY IS ABOUT YOU! That is all.

Most atheists I know

Are fucking geeks. Not nerds. Not bookworms, but geeks. It's the sad truth. Now I don't like discussing religion or beliefs usually because people end up crying or punching a wall due to a bitch fit. But this is something I need to discuss. First of all, I don't care what the fuck you do or do not believe in. Now back to the original subject. The atheists I know personally have these things in common: obsessive fan of anime, unusual addiction to videogames that involve the characters casting spells, odd looking glasses, acne, awkwardness when it comes to being social to the opposite sex, a lack of confidence, being a submissive bitch-boy. The last point is quite ironic because atheists believe that people who follow religion are submissive themselves. Just take a look at the spineless lifestyle you live. Things might change. Like I said before I have no problem with atheists or atheism. I understand that you believe the idea of God is ridiculous, but replacing that with some wizard with a beard that goes to his knees is as equally ridiculous. Let's be serious. You know your punkass says a Klingon prayer to some Pokemon character before going to sleep because you think it might bring you good luck. So atheists, if you do any of these ridiculous things, you are no better than your theist counterparts which you regularly ridicule. If you do the things I mentioned above you are not more intellectual than those who believe in a Creator. I am Baliwala. Follow the Baliwala Movement. You'll go places.

My racist professors

So yesterday(Wednesday) was my first day back at class. I woke up in the morning and I did not feel like P. Diddy. You know why? Because I don't know how the fuck he feels like when he gets out of bed, and I don't care. If I had to venture a guess it would be that he feels great because he's filthy rich. Just a thought. So I get my groggy ass to class. There were obviously some students that came late to the first day class. Shit happens. This shouldn't be a surprise, but apparently to the professor this was. Ever single student that was even a minute late received the same speech from professor. "We start at promptly at 9:30, BUT WE'RE GLAD YOU'RE HERE!" No you're not bitch. You couldn't care less. Attendance was taken. The professor wanted to know how to pronounce certain students name. There was a girl named Lanye. The teacher had a hard time getting the hang of it, so she said:"It's Lanye, like Kanye." You have no idea how bad I wanted to jump up out of my seat and yell out: "IMMA LET YOU FINISH BUT..." Thank God I didn't. After the syllabus was handed out this broad decided that the students should get to know each other. She made us introduce ourselves to the people around us. What the fuck? This isn't freshman year of high school you uppity bitch. I was sitting around nothing but girls. Lucky right? Fuck no. These bitches were ugly. Then she asks if anybody in the class was a Chicago native. I raised my raised along with many others. Afterall, I was born and raised here so I am a native. Then she wanted to know if anybody was from another state or abroad. The rest of the students raised their hands. Then the Lenscrafters wearing bitch points at me and asks where I'm from. My jaw dropped. What the fuck? Was she expecting to hear a heavy Indian or Arabic accent? I was very close to fucking with her and start speaking in a fob manner, but I chose otherwise. I said I was born and raised in Chicago but my parents were from Pakistan. My next class was taught by a 78 year old man. I saw that somebody had written:"Smokers, the world is NOT your ashtray." This pissed me off. Yes motherfucker the world is my ashtray. What are you going to do about it? Cry? Piss off you pink-lunged fucker. I wanted to pull out a cigarette right then and there and light it up. Then I would say: "I just shit on your theory you have." The professor was very polite. He went on an on about his life, mostly about his family. Then out of nowhere he started talking about some Muslim girls he had in one of his other classes. He said they wore heybobs. What the fuck is a "heybob"? Is that some sort of redneck ground beef delicacy that is served on a wooden stick? To make matters worse, he started talking about his childhood. Now going by his age you can already tell that he grew up in a very racist time in America. I didn't care to listen, but he kept on saying Afro-American. The more he said it, the more the black students in class seemed visibly upset. I was waiting for some shit to go down but it didn't. Oh well. I guess it is a scientific term. I am Baliwala. I am a straight A student. That is all.

This entry goes out

To all the bitches out there that think they're the shit, but really aren't. You know who you are. Chances are you might be reading this. If that's the case, read this carefully. If you do any of the following things, you are a bitch that thinks she's the shit when she really isn't. Let's begin. Start by taking a deep breath. Here we go. You have insanely high standards when it comes to men and you think you have this right because you're hot. Truth is you climbed the ugly tree, slipped and hit every branch on the way down. You throw on tons of foundation to hide your acne to go clubbing. You wear open toe shoes and slutty dresses in extremely cold weather. You and your "bitch squad" think you're the hottest things around and try to prove this by posting pictures with intense flash. These pics are usually taken in bathrooms or corners of shady places. Mainly crack houses. Your idea of an attractive man is a male who is in medical school. You think being forced into the field of medicine by your parents makes you smart, when in reality if you didn't obey them they would ship your punk ass in a dingy cardboard box to their country of origin to get married to a stranger. You obsess over a male celebrity to the point where you believe they think about you as much as you think about them. You think your neat handwriting makes you unique. You think having a twinkie will make you gain weight because you think you have an awesome figure, when in reality you have the baby fat of 50 babies. You run and tell your friends the second any male on this planet looks in your direction. You think you're pious if you put a quote from a religious book as your Facebook status. You think straightening your hair makes you 10x prettier. Your idea of a good time is dressing up, going to a public place and standing around. You think you have a sense of humor, when in reality you have the sarcasm that rivals a homeless leper. You pretend or exaggerate pain or illness as a means to act cute or to get sympathy. Your think your biggest accomplishment is having white teeth. You constantly put down other females of your own race/ethnicity because you think doing 5 crunches a day makes you better than them. You think girls who use tampons are whores. Your phone is mainly used to text your female friend to tell her how much you love and miss her. You think you're career minded because you wear dress slacks and work at the mall or a salon. Anytime you pass a guy you purposely smile, tilt your head down and look back up to see if they're still looking at you. You think being a virgin gives you an automatic ticket to heaven, when in reality nobody wants to fuck you. I am Baliwala. If these girls are what is normal, I will become a mass-murderer. That is all.

You dumbass

Word of the day 41

men⋅da⋅cious [men-dey-shuhs]


–adjective
1. telling lies, esp. habitually; dishonest; lying; untruthful: a mendacious person.
2. false or untrue: a mendacious report.

No need to worry

Your boy Bali is back. Please excuse my brief absence. I won't lie and say that I've been really really busy with stuff, because I haven't been. Simply put, I had no desire to post. I know what you're wondering. How was your New Years Bali? Well I'll tell you about it. Gather around. Disclaimer: The identities of the people in this story have been altered. So have the locations. You know why? Because I fucking feel like doing it. I'm a mischievous kid. You should be used to it by now. That's why. My New Years was pretty simple. Just hit up a couple of clubs with some friends. It was cold as hell outsid. Hold on. How can something be cold as hell? Isn't that the opposite? Fuck that. I digress. Before we did anything, I urinated in an alley. I had to go bad. This only gave me more confirmation that urination in public should be legalized. The first club I went to was pretty small. We'll call it "The Diddy Bop." After about a half hour my friends and I decide to leave. Nothing was really going on. The second club we went to was called "Tough Titty said the Kitty." I know that place does not exist. Reread the disclaimer if you are confused. The Tough Titty said the Kitty was pretty fun. It had more than one level, and we saw some people we knew. After a while we said fuck it and decided to go back to the Diddy Bop. I mean we literally did. We put our hands up, pouted our lips and said fuck this shit. Let's break like Kit-Kat. When we arrived at the Diddy Bop it was very crowded. Somebody must have made a phone call because now the place was infested with Desis. I say infested because these people were like rodents running around. I have never seen so many guys and girls overdressed for an occasion. Don't get me wrong, it was a special night, but it's not your wedding. God damnit, these motherfuckers must have spent everything in their bank accounts on their attire. I came dressed just right. I know wasup. Anyway while at the club, a very drunk recent arrival from India/Pakistan decided to put his hands on me. He thought my name was Shahid. When I informed this fumbling idiot that I was not Shahid, he still wanted to converse. I tried my best to communicate with this buffoon. I really did. I excused that English was not his first language and that he was wasted. I tried to be nice, but it wasn't working out guys. I walked away. He went after me and I ran away. After that we went to get something to eat. We'll call this place "Le Menage a Trois." Sounds fancy right? I could bullshit restaurant names for a living. Well we were eating and wanted some chips. Here's the thing: we didn't want to pay for that shit. You know why? Because chips should be free for everybody. We got about 2 bags. We felt like we were on a roll. When we went to get the third, the hammer dropped on us. My friend "Joe" was caught. One of the employees yelled out "THAT'S NOT COOL BRO!" So Joe paid for the chips. This made me chuckle. The intensity on this guys' face was amazing. Then I pissed in an alley again. Then we went home. I am Baliwala. I am for public urination and free potato chips for every citizen. Vote for me. That is all.