Fire!

My hand

Smells like cheap cologne. A friend called me and said he was in my area and wanted to have a cigarette. He showed up with another friend who I haven't seen in a while. I could immediately smell his dollar store fragrance. I didn't mind and conversed with both. After about 10 minutes they informed me that they were leaving. The person who was wearing the skunk, gave me a semi-hug. I didn't mind. I mean I haven't seen the guy in such a long time. When I returned home I began to sneeze. When I put my hand over my nose I smelled something that reminded me of a cheap nightclub. It was his cologne. I am Baliwala. I smell like I just came from a third world country. That is all.

Word of the day 36

fa⋅ce⋅tious [fuh-see-shuhs]

–adjective
1. not meant to be taken seriously or literally: a facetious remark.
2. amusing; humorous.
3. lacking serious intent; concerned with something nonessential, amusing, or frivolous: a facetious person.

People who

Defend douchebags and assholes, are douchebags and assholes themselves. I'm tired of hearing people say that assholes are actually really nice. Bullshit. If somebody only shows that side to certain people, they are an asshole. Also, being an asshole effects both genders. Girls can be assholes too. It's true. I am Baliwala. If you get to know me, I'll be the wind beneath your wings. That is all.

This is what people type in Google to get to my blog

If you want to have

"A conversation with a woman, just ask her how her day was. That's a 45 min conversation." - Chris Rock

There's this dude

In my neighborhood who looks like Elvis. He must be in his 70's by now. He's been living here even before me. He's even had the same shitty car since then. It's gray and rustier than Paris Hiltons' vagina. Disgusting. What gives him the Elvis look is his hair. I don't even know what to call that hairstyle, and I do not want to know. If I ever found out I'd probably die laughing. I'm silly like that. This guy always wears a car mechanics uniform, but I have a feeling he isn't one. I have a very good feeling he gets in his car and drives to an alley, parks and listens to Elvis songs while doing lines of cocaine. Sounds far-fetched, but when I get feelings like this they're always true. I am Baliwala. I tried to check into the heartbreak hotel but it was full. That is all.

Kids on the internet

Log the fuck off. You're rotting your brains looking at bestiality and racist posters. I know you what you guys do. I know what's going on while you're ignorant parents are sleeping. Still not going to log off? Well guess what? Your parents are getting a divorce and it's because of you. Yes Todd, you're the reason. You see Todd, all they wanted was to raise a normal child, but they got you instead. A demented, floppy-haired, overly-horny teenager who spray paints garage doors and uses an array of racial slurs. Oh yeah Todd, they also know about your homosexual experimenting you've done with the guy who drives the ice cream truck. See what you did? You ruined your life. I am Baliwala. I use a typewriter.

Black Friday

Is when people go out and by unnecessary shit. I always hear the excuse of tradition. I don't buy that-(get it???) Black Friday consists of people standing in cold temperatures, wearing ridiculous clothing, yelling out, waiting to beat other peoples' asses to get a toaster. It's pretty much a suburban riot. Don't believe me? Go to a suburb and yell out that a Muslim poisoned their drinking water. You'll have Black Friday. People need to start buying shit when they need it. Also, 99% of the stuff on sale is usually low quality, or if it is a brand name, the price is still very high. I am Baliwala. If I happen to go the Target to buy a some gum and you run into me, I'll stuff you into that fucking washer and dryer you want to buy. That is all.

If you have

A major flaw about yourself, or have done or said something that others can call you out for, please refrain from talking shit. If you do talk shit, do not surprised if people call you out for it when you act like a cunt. People will use the same lines against you for years. When this happens do not smile and say you don't mind because it's old, because the truth is that it still cuts deep. You can try and hide it all you want, but we know wasup. I am Baliwala. If you call me a faggot, I'll bring up the time you made out with a guy at a party. You weren't even drunk bro. That is all.

When I was younger

I could have been a member of the Backstreet Boys or Nsync. It is damn true. I had the entire look: spiked hair, pierced ears, girlish figure(I think I still have that), memorized all of the songs. The only thing that I probably didn't have was the voice. Because of this I probably would have been the shitty backup singer. At least I would have been known though. That's better than nothing. I'm sure most of the uglier boy band lovers would have bought my poster. I thought about making my own group, but couldn't find enough guys to make it. Most of my friends spoke English as a second language. They dressed like middle-aged men. This would not work in the group. I even had a name for it: "PBT"-Pakistani Boy Toys. Extremely homo, but back in the late 90's it would have worked. I am Baliwala. I'm washed up. That is all.

The cypher

A suicide note

That is written by someone that is not suicidal is just an auto-biography. That is all.

Thanks for the heads up dawg

Word of the day 35

ecumenical [ek-yoo-men-i-kuhl]

–adjective
1. general; universal.
2. pertaining to the whole Christian church.
3. promoting or fostering Christian unity throughout the world.
4. of or pertaining to a movement (ecumenical movement), esp. among Protestant groups since the 1800s, aimed at achieving universal Christian unity and church union through international interdenominational organizations that cooperate on matters of mutual concern.
5. interreligious or interdenominational: an ecumenical marriage.
6. including or containing a mixture of diverse elements or styles; mixed: an ecumenical meal of German, Italian, and Chinese dishes.

LIsten up!

http://www.sendspace.com/file/ssbpfz

(copy and paste into address bar)

Sleeping at night

Is my biggest weakness. If you note the time this entry was created, you'll have proof. With this is mind it is safe to say I get most of my sleep in the morning. The thing is noisy motherfuckers do not allow me to rest. The street on the side of my house is getting repaved. It was started about a week ago. Yesterday morning a truck came to clean the sides of street. Because of this people were not allowed to park there. Signs were put up. Do you think that would have been enough to inform people? Not according to the City of Chicago. The truck that came had the most obnoxious horn imaginable. This shit had circus sounds in it. I kid you not. At first I thought it was a car alarm. But this shit went on for 10 minutes straight. It sounded like a demented ice cream truck mated with a dying elephant. That's the best way I can describe it. I stumbled out of bed and went outside for a cig. When I saw the truck that made all this commotion I got pissed. I was going to whoop dudes ass, but I was tired. Lucky ass. I am Baliwala. If sleep is the cousin of death then I do not have any relatives. That is all.

I'm so funky

I can't stand the smell. I haven't showered today. That is all.

I'm a dumbass

So I'm at the comp doing my thing with a turkey sandwich and a bag of Cheetos. I was chilling, then my dumbass somehow flipped the bag completely over. The pieces of shit went everywhere. I yelled out FUCK. Cleaning it up wasn't a big deal, but I wanted those bitches. Oh well. I am Baliwala: Destroyer of Snacks. That is all.

Pimp

If you

Have swine flu chances are you probably had sex with one. I am Baliwala. It's not my fault you're a pig fucker. That is all.

An update

On my haircut: It still looks ok. That is all.

I need a new

Beard trimmer. The one I have is horrible. It has one setting that almost completely shaves my beard. This eliminates the trimming feature. My older one was the shit, but I lost an attachment so I'm not able to use it anymore. Oh well. At least my haircut still looks decent. I am Baliwala. Stubble looks horrible on my face. That is all.

I got soul

Word of the day 34

per⋅ni⋅cious [per-nish-uhs]

–adjective
1. causing insidious harm or ruin; ruinous; injurious; hurtful: pernicious teachings; a pernicious lie.
2. deadly; fatal: a pernicious disease.
3. Obsolete. evil; wicked.

I got my haircut today

And it looks spectacular. Actually it doesn't, but it looks much better than the monstrosity I had on my head before. As soon as I got into the chair, the barber struck up a conversation. She was Bosnian girl who looked like she was a Gwen Stefani fan. I came to this conclusion after seeing her funky hairstyle. Out of nowhere she started going off about how her 16 year old cousin was a high school dropout. She then went on about how her older sister is a nurse and that her mother wanted her to go into the same field. This was painstaking for me. I did not give a shit about what she was babbling about. Did she want sympathy from me? Was this her way of getting a good tip? She then said that she loved what she did. I was getting annoyed, but glad that the haircut was almost done. Then a customer came in and asked if a barber that left earlier had returned. She picked up her phone and called the absent barber. While it was ringing, she started to rub my head. Shit felt awesome. I won't lie. A part of me wanted that phone to never stop ringing. The person never picked up and she went back to putting the finishing touches on my cut. I tipped her pretty well. Now that I think about it, if she didn't rub my head the tip would have been much less. Just saying. I am Baliwala. If you massage my head I'll give you money. That is all.

Life

Is a risk. That's why I don't have one. That is all.

Just a friendly reminder

Channing Tatum is still lame. No need to thank me. That is all.

Nobody likes

A party pooper, so stop defecating at shindigs. I am Baliwala. I do not have any toilet paper for you. That is all.

English

This motherfucker does not know it exists.

"You should cry about it"

Is what I tell people when I hear about their insignificant problems. These problems include:

-Stomachaches
-Feeling cold
-Being hungry
-Not being able to sleep
-Being bored

I am Baliwala. I want you to exercise your tear ducts. That is all.

My dad on global warming:

"I don't care. Life will go on."

People need to

Stop hiding in the dark against trees. I was walking home the other night and it seemed like nobody was out, but I was wrong. Out of nowhere I heard somebody talking. I jumped. That shit was scary son. When I looked up I saw a man against a tree talking on their cell phone. What made this stranger was that they were on their hands free set, but I couldn't see it. For all I know this guy was probably talking to himself. I am Baliwala. The tree people of the night scare me.

Girls with big feet

Are disgusting. As a matter of fact, when I see a girl with huge dogs, they remind me of aliens. These women should be banned from wearing any type of footwear that exposes their gargantuan hoofs. I have seen girls with toes that are longer than my fingers. It was a horrible sight. Personally, it takes away from the overall appearance of a girl. Nice face. Check. Nice body. Check. Nice legs. Check. Feet...FUCK! I am Baliwala. You know what they say about girls with big feet right? They wear big socks. That is all.

Word of the day 33

jet⋅ti⋅son [jet-uh-suhn, -zuhn]

–verb (used with object)
1. to cast (goods) overboard in order to lighten a vessel or aircraft or to improve its stability in an emergency.
2. to throw off (something) as an obstacle or burden; discard.
3. Cards. to discard (an unwanted card or cards).
–noun
4. the act of casting goods from a vessel or aircraft to lighten or stabilize it.