I'm starting to hate the city

Of Chicago. It is never quiet. There is always somebody outside yelling or laughing obnoxiously. If not that, then there are ambulances and fire trucks blazing their sirens. Getting a few minutes of peace and quiet is almost impossible. This is why I can't wait for winter. I hope it is ungodly cold and snows 3 feet everyday. This way all the weirdos can stay away from me. I don't have to deal with people exercising their vocal chords at inappropriate times. I am Baliwala. I am a grumpy old man. That is all.

DJ Pakora

I agree

Obama is a pussy

Yea I said it. He's gone about his presidency entirely wrong. I'm not against bi-partisanship, but it rarely works. There's a reason the American public voted in a Democratic majority to Congress. It's because they were fed up with all the bullshit Republicans have done the last 8 years. Mr. Obama, stop being a pussy and put your foot down. Your party is in control. Man the fuck up. Start passing some shit. The Republicans will never accept you. That is a fact. So gather up your blue boys and get something done. Stop trying to get people to like you by going on late night talk shows and making semi-funny jokes and put your words into action. I am Baliwala. The only change I see is color. That is all.

You are

The company you keep. It's true. If you associate yourselves with pedophiles chances are you think it's ok to interact with 12 year olds because "they act older then their age." If you mainly talk to drug addicts chances are you will be offering oral sex in exchange for a crack rock and a smile. If your group of friends mainly consists of one race or ethnicity chances are you are a racist. I am Baliwala. I do not have any friends. That is all.

Whatever you say. Just calm down.

What?

I changed my mind

From now on I would like to be called Bali Bailamos or Mr. Bailamos. That is all.

When a girl

Babbles on and on, it's called titty less rambles. That is all.

NFL week 3

Titans +2 at Jets. Let's rock it.

My favorite shirt

People need to stop

Starting off their sentences with "honestly." Why do you have to preface what you're about to say with that? Are you usually dishonest and have to let people know that in the present moment and time you're telling the truth? I am Baliwala. Honest to god dude, seriously man, on the real yo, all joking aside, on some G shit, I don't care how this sounds but, cut that shit out. That is all.

Homosexual construction workers

I grabbed breakfast from McDonald's this morning. While I was in line there were three construction workers in front of me. I was under the assumption that these people were masculine, but boy was I wrong. The guy who was directly in front of me began to stretch. Now I have no problem with people stretching, but when somebody is poking their hip out and striking a pose like Lady Gaga, then I do. I swear to god this guy might as well been have giving me a lapdance because that's how close his ass was to me. To make matters worse, he then proceeded to play fight with one of the others. He poked him and then brought his hands to his face and starting giggling. The entire time he kept on looking back at me. I stared at the menu to distract myself from the pre-sodomy ritual that was taking place in front of me. When I left, I continuously looked behind to see that I was being followed. I was scared. No lie. I am Baliwala. I don't want you to put your bologna in my toolbox. That is all.

I deleted

About 20 people from my Facebook.

These people included:

-Wannabe Desi djs/mc's
-Cambodians
-Club promoters
-Girls who use models pics as their own

I am Baliwala.I just hand palmed your grill and you probably don't even know about it. That is all.

Sup?

I suck at fantasy football

I lost in both of my leagues today. That is all.

So I got my haircut

After about a month and a half. My hair grows very fast so I usually get it cut every 2-3 weeks. Before the haircut, I looked like I could have been apart of the Beatles. It was horrible. I find haircuts to be very relaxing. I almost fell asleep a few times in the chair. No lie. The only reason I didn't was because the barber kept on hitting me in the face with a brush. I am Baliwala. I'm lined up and ready for bidniz. That is all.

Californication- Season 3 Episode 2

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=6K0544TW

copy and paste into address bar

Californication- Season 3 Episode 1

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=YJ0CY92W

copy and paste into address bar.

It seems that older girls

Are still into guys who are: uneducated, drug addicts, and look homeless. I thought this phase for them would pass once they exited high school, but I guess I was wrong. Before I could understand this because of their age, now it just baffles me. Females will always tell you that they want the opposite. That's bullshit folks. Yup, complete fresh out of the bulls' ass bullshit. Females will also tell you that these rejects of society are actually nice. Really? Let's see how nice he is when he robs you and your family at gunpoint. Let's see if you'll call him sweetheart then. There comes a time in a mans life where he needs to drop the tough guy act. Where he needs to stop using drugs and alcohol constantly and function in society. This time comes sooner for some, while later for others. If you smoke blunts during the day while listening to 2pac, you need some growing up to do. If you find humor in robbing the elderly, you need some growing up to do. If the main part of your wardrobe is a NY Yankees fitted hat, you need some growing up to do. You might think it's cool. Shit, others might even think it's cool, but it's not homie. It's very pathetic. I am Baliwala. I ain't no pistol poppin pop tart. That is all.

I just downloaded

The top 40 singles from June and I haven't heard over half of the song. I am Baliwala. I still listen to NSYNC. That is all.

AHHHHHHHHH!

Well well well

I don't make an entry for a few days and you guys go ape shit. Problems with my computer coupled with laziness are the reasons for my brief absence. "Bali, where have you been?." Nowhere at all. I have a very uneventful life. It's been like 72 hours since I've been here. I can't get much done in a week let alone that much time. Now that I think about it, there has been one change. I am addicted to Farmville on Facebook. This shit is like crack. I'm seriously thinking about becoming a farmer in real life. These thoughts get shot down when I realize that I can't just click and make money. I think that's bullshit. Anyway, I hope you guys have been well for the past few days. Hopefully you haven't been infected with swine flu. I am Baliwala. Breathe in, breathe out. That is all.

You unoriginal motherfuckers

Need to stop copying my "that is all." You know who you are. I've been seeing it more and more. Don't use the excuse that you have been doing it unknowingly. That's bullshit. I am Baliwala. If you bite my style I will bite you. Literally. THAT IS ALL.

Check it out

A huge fly

Has been in my house for a few hours. It just landed on my monitor and I swatted this out of that motherfucker. Now I have fly guys on the top of it. I am Baliwala. Insect killer extraordinaire. That is all.

My dad

Just asked me to print out the lyrics to Billie Jean. Don't ask me why because I don't know. That is all.

The Ex that won't give up

It's been almost six years since we broke up. About every six months she makes a half ass attempt to try to be friends with me. I have let her know over and over again that I do not want to have anything to do with her. Obviously she doesn't get the point. Funny thing is that she cheated on me but always tries to turn it around and make it seem like I was the one in the wrong. Silly bitch, mind games are for kids.

I love my Phillipino neighbor

Especially when he's drunk. He tells me stories about his days as a young man in the old country. His stories are always filled with whores and alcohol. What makes them even funnier is that his broken English is further distorted with intoxication. From time to time he'll stagger while talking. If anybody comes outside of their house, he'll start waving and say "HAY NAYBOHR." They return the hello because he's been living there for a long and is always so nice to everybody. One thing that I do not like is that he likes to expose his huge gut when he's drunk. Out of nowhere he'll lift his polo and start patting his stomach. It isn't for the faint of heart. Last night he told him me what seemed like dozens of stories. One story was about how he was moved up to first class in an airplane, then proceeded to ask a female passenger if she wanted to watch a porn with him on his portable DVD player. She refused the offer. Her loss. I am Baliwala. I want to you buy you a drank.

Word of the day 28

poign⋅ant [poin-yuhnt, poi-nuhnt]

–adjective
1. keenly distressing to the feelings: poignant regret.
2. keen or strong in mental appeal: a subject of poignant interest.
3. affecting or moving the emotions: a poignant scene.
4. pungent to the smell: poignant cooking odors.

You might have

The mindset of a 16 year old if you do any of the following:

-Drive over the speed limit for no reason
-Get intoxicated in alleys
-Unusually proud of alcohol consumption or use of recreational drugs
-Wear sunglasses at night or indoors, or sunglasses that are too big for your face
-Dress up for an 8 AM class
-Think that Soulja Boi or Lil Wayne have "deep" lyrics
-Constantly get into fights on the internet or real life
-Get jealous if your boyfriend or girlfriend looks at the opposite sex
-You run away from your house just to have a cigarette
-Constantly using "lol" for no reason
-Think that you can relate to a storyline from a Bollywood movie
-If "fag" or "gay" is your primary insult towards others
-If you think a Disney movie is one the top ten movies ever made
-Take pictures of yourself smoking hookah
-Take pictures of yourself throwing up the peace sign, with lips pouted of course
-You think music from 2005 is old school
-You buy a new pair of shoes every two weeks
-Your primary source of entertainment is Xbox360
-Always complain about your parents
-Overpay for liquor
-Skateboard
-Play Dance Dance Revolution

Shukary Tukray

This is some desi shit that is supposed to taste good. That's at least what a friend told me. I have no idea what's in it or how it's made. Just thought I'd share.

Girls write poems about menstruating

Here's the proof:



I bleed.
I bleed for your sins.
Every month.
Every month I atone,
for the great loss.
The great loss of Paradise.
I am purged.
Purged of the ancient evil.
I am pained.
Pained by the seed you sewed.
I will reep.
I will reep, as you have been doing for centuries.
My body writhes.
Writhes with the liquid of remorse.
Hot is the heat.
The heat that feeds the seed.
Thank you.
Thank you Eve.

People

Need to stop making up their own definitions for words. This is getting out of hand. A few days ago I found out that some people do not know the definition of sarcasm. Are you fucking kidding me? Their excuse was that they use it as a slang term. Since when has sarcasm been used as slang? I was not aware that the word sarcasm had reached the mouths of urban hip-hoppers. This was news to me. It's because of shit like this that I do the word of the day. The stupidity of society is really getting to me. My advice: pick up a fucking dictionary. It'll help. Trust me. On second thought you don't even need a dictionary. You can look up words...ON THE FUCKING INTERNET! I know it's shocking. I was in awe when I found out about this. I am Baliwala. If you think this post was filled with sarcasm then you are a certified dumbass. That is all.

Best Facebook status ever

Guys

Should not be wearing bandannas around their necks. It does not make them unique. It makes them look like they are a bank robber from the 1800's. Please cut that shit out.

People who

Have strong feelings for more than one person of the opposite sex aren't confused, they're just horny and greedy. Cut that shit out. That is all.

Gangstas who

Own small dogs are complete bitches. How the fuck are you going to be apart of a gang and walk around with a one foot dog? What is going through your mind? Don't give me the excuse that it's your girlfriends, because we all know you don't have one. Seriously dawg, how are you going to walk that little piece of shit while you rock an oversized t-shirt and baggy denim shorts? What are you trying to prove with that feminine mutt? How are you going to sell drugs and while you have a chihuahua on a leash? Cut that shit out. If you're going to own a dog get a pitbull or at least a rottweiler. I am Baliwala. Your boys are in prison and you can't stand it at all, so you decided to let the dogs out. That is all.

Drunk desi neighbor part 2

About an hour ago I heard somebody singing. They were yelling out loud:"nigga nigga, nobody in this world can fuck with me." He was singing with a very melodious tone. If he wasn't so loud I wouldn't have minded. It could have been catchy. I went downstairs to see if he was around my house. I don't like drunk bastards around my dwelling. You know why? Because I don't. That's why. He wasn't out there. I have no idea where he disappeared to. My brother suggested that he might have gone to an alley to drink because he is known for doing that. I am Baliwala. I have live iTunes. That is all.

This is when joking

Becomes extremely creepy:


listen dude, its not thta easy, you dont think i've tried? well let me tell you i've tried. ive freakin tried so hard that its given me a headach at times, sometimes even a tummy ache, but still i try. its just hard, when you have a heart so delicate that online crap from some random dude in chicago hurts your heart. i mean how much more can i do? what more can i do? but still i try. right now im trying, you wont know, you'll never know, but im trying. God knows.

If you wear khaki shorts

I want to beat you with my elbows. That is all.

Pradip Gosh rippin shit up

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nj4KkNOUaXY

Being called a kaafir (non-believer)

On the internet is funny. I received an instant message from somebody who I rarely talk to. They're from the UK. It takes me quite a while to decipher what the hell they are typing. Late one night they messaged me with the Islamic greeting of salaam. I was tired and did not want to talk to this person. I was in no mood to make small talk, so I didn't respond. After about 2 minutes the person messages me and says:"Fine, be like that kaafir!" I was unaware that not saying hi meant you didn't believe in God. This was news to me. I am Baliwala. I might go to hell for not saying wazup. That is all.

I'm starting to believe

That what goes around comes around. I believe this because I am known for abruptly ending conversations. If I get bored for 2 seconds I'm done. That's it. I never thought about how the other person felt. You know why? Because I don't care. That's why. Now that is has happened to me I can imagine how it feels to have this done to you. Listen homies, I am the motherfucking Bali. The one and only. If I want to talk to you, consider it a privilege. I am Baliwala. Please please don't hang up on me. That is all.

Apparently playing tabla during Ramadan

Is frowned upon. I was not aware of this before I started jamming. I haven't played in almost a month and was itching to get down. After about a 30 min session, my dad told me that I shouldn't be doing this. He said the next door neighbors could hear me and it was disrespectful. I told him I didn't care. You know why? Because I don't care. That's why. All of a sudden he said what I was doing was haraam because I wasn't playing in rhythm. He started laughing. I did not find this amusing. I knew for a fact I was in rhythm. It is impossible for me not to play beautifully. It's just a fact of life. I went upstairs. Then I took a shower. I am Baliwala. I will da da tin na all night long. That is all.

Word of the day 27

ma⋅lar⋅key [muh-lahr-kee]

–noun Informal.
speech or writing designed to obscure, mislead, or impress; bunkum: The claims were just a lot of malarkey.

Jungle Swamp Fucked

This is an expression I made up for situations which are so fucked up, that's this is the only thing that can come to mind. You know you're in a jungle swamp fuck situation when at first you try to speak but can't. You wait about 10 seconds and then you say: This shit is jungle swamp fucked.

What does not kill

You makes you stronger. This expression is used frequently. It is not necessarily true. It depends. I find that most people become bitter because of negative experiences. That's because it's easy to let shit get to you. Only a handful of people can get over negative stuff and get something out of it. See what they might have done wrong. Seen when the other person(s) have started going in the wrong direction. To those of you who aren't bitter mofos, I salute you. You make the motherfucking world a better place. I am Baliwala. If you're sour, imma call you Lemon. That is all.

Curb Your Enthusiasm

Literally. People get bat shit excited over the smallest things these days. The smallest thing that they get crazy over is food. People will not hesitate to jump up and down when they get a bowl of ice cream. They will get weak in the knees if they get a hold of a decent slice of pizza. They do backflips if they go to Subway. I have news for you guys, eating is apart of surviving. I know it sounds crazy but it's the truth. Eating is not necessarily a privilege, so don't treat it like one. Save your excitement for something worthwhile. I am Baliwala. I didn't orgasm when I had an omelet this morning.

I asked somebody to draw me

And this is what they came up with

If you're pissed and looking for a fight

Go here. I'm sure these people will be more than willing to help you out.