I usually

Don't entertain when telemarketers when they call my cell, which is a rare occasion, but I decided to do something different today. A Filipino man called from a 402 area code number, which I later found out was located in Nebraska, and said I had become a semi-finalist in a contest from a company called DirectBuy. When he asked me for my name I said it was David Cawk. When I was asked if I had a wife, I answered that I did and her name was Abigail, same last name as me. He then proceeded to inquire about my fake wife's and I combined income before taxes. I replied by saying "$785,000 a year!" I added an exclamation point to emphasis that I was enthusiastic because I had readily reminded myself that I was telling this stranger a lie about being married and making that much money. While he gave me the rundown about all the prizes I could win, which included a trip to "Lahs Begas" and up to "pipty dousand dohlars in caysh", I kept on saying things like "OH WOW! IT MUST BE MY LUCKY DAY! OH, YOU DON'T SAY?!" He continuously said that it was my lucky day and marched on with his sales pitch. The gentleman then told me to write down important information as how to actually win the contest. He told me to get a pen and paper. I said I had it already, which I didn't. Then he gave me an address and telephone number that I pretended to write down. He now thought he truly had found a scam victim, so he said I should talk to his manager. His manager then said "How do you pronounce your name?" I replied with "David......CAWK!" "Sir, so is pronounced Cock?" "No no no, it is pronounced as Caaaawk!" He then went on and repeated everything the previous gentleman had said. Like how I could win a trip to anywhere in the U.S., how I could win a cruise, or win a boatload of money. See what I did there? 1000 points if you did. I continued with my "Oh wow!" and "IT MUST BE MY LUCKY DAY!" He said that it indeed it was my lucky day because I had been randomly selected. Then things got interesting. He told me to write down a code. Once again I pretended I was writing it down, but then he asked me to repeat the first 3 letters of the code. I blanked. He repeated the letters which were MDI, well at least I think that's what they were, because he said "eM as in Mayree, Dee as in Daktor, and I as in Eeegloo. I replied with "M as in Alaska, D as in Igloo, and I as in Idaho." He said that I was mistaken and repeated the code once more. I replied with "I as in Idaho, N as in Neo, the guy from the Matrix, and F as in Florida, the place I want to go to if I win the contest." He repeated the letters numerous more times, then said the code had a total of 7 letters. Oh boy. This is going to be a hoot. He gave me the next 2 letters to take it easy on me, I guess. "Sir the next lehters are Ter and aRe. Please repeat these lehters to me sir." "I as in Idaho, A as in Alaska" is what I said. He repeated these letters again. "Uhhhh R as in clown, C as in America. Now he knew something was up. For the duration of this conversation I had a smile from ear to ear. Just thought you should know. The dream of trying to get something like my bank account details were slowly vaninshing "Sir, ip you are baysting my tyme then let me kno nao sir." This was the time to let this guy know that I was messing with him. I told him that it was him who actually was wasting my time by calling me. He said that he wasn't and that I had genuinely been entered a contest and became a semi-finalist. "Listen homie, I know wasup. You're calling from the Philippines but are using an American telephone number. This way I'll think you're legit, but it's not going to work. You are frauds and scam artists. I will not allow you to insult my intelligence with your bullshit." "Sir, we are not scum artists or prauds." I started to burst into laughter. This entire situation was beyond ridiculous. I have to give it to him though, that's what she said, he stuck to his guns even after I had let him know I knew that things were not on the up and up. "How many people actually believe they're very close to winning a contest? Must be quite a few if you're still doing this, and I hear a bunch of phones and people in the background. Must mean you're quite busy at the 'office' today, but you can't fool me." I assumed this might rattle his cage a bit, but he replied with: "Sir, you peeple are sooo stoopid. We pool you peeple all the time. Bee are the beyst!" I once again broke into laughter. This guy had a pair of industrial sized stainless steel testicles on him. I then broke into a Filipino accent. Oh boy, maybe I shouldn't have done this because this guy flipped a bitch and a half. "YOU PUCKING EEDIOT! BE ARE THE BEYST IN THE WORLD! DONT MAKE PUN OF PILIPEENO!" Before I could reply, he hung up. Damn, I had a few more things to say. Actually it's probably a good thing he hung up because I would have eventually starting to use profane language in Urdu or Punjabi, and this would let him know I was Indian, or from Pakistan, and he could have said some very racist things. To this second he still believes my name is David. A married White man who is making over three quarters of a million dollars a year. Oh well. I am Baliwala. I'll be going to the Caribbean next month on a 3 day cruise, along with a suitcase filled with thousands of dollars. That is all.