Gym

Is the most useless fucking class that has to be taken in public schools for children. Let me share a tale with you. Grab a seat ladies and gentlemen. In my senior year of high school I had a hard ass for a gym teacher. This guy thought he was the shit. He was about 5'3. I couldn't help but laugh anytime I saw him. He carried himself like he was Robocop. I digress, anyway, so in the fall of that year our class had to run track. Now keep in mind that the weather was chilly and this class was at 8 A.M. Considering this, a lot of guys did not dress for gym. There were like fuck it. It's cold, early, and I'm a senior. I don't need this Tom Foolery. I was one of those people. The odd thing was he would only get on me for not dressing for gym. I was too tired to mention this to his punk ass, so I kept my mouth shut. One day I decided to conform; I put on my gym shorts(which I'm wearing at this very moment) and gym shirt. So we wait for this guy to come. Of course his midget ass shows up out of nowhere like a goblin whilst wearing his off brand sunglasses. He takes attendance and tell us to run. I start with a light jog. When I pass him after the first lap he starts yelling at me about how I need to pick up the pace. I ignore him. Halfway through my second lap my lungs started to cramp. I felt like I was going to die so I started slowing down. When I pass him again he starts yelling about how I'm never going to become anything in my life because I was not a "hard worker." While he was saying this he motions me over. Then asks me what my race is. Before I can answer he says:"You're a Paki right?" I said yea sure whatever. Then he goes:"Yea, so you'll probably end up driving a cab when you graduate right?" WHOA! Hold the fuck up. Shit just got real deal Holyfield up in this piece. This motherfucker is going to make a racist comment because I don't take his P.E. class seriously? Talk about hurt feelings. I decided to take the higher road. What was the lower road? The lower road would have been me kicking him in his peanut sized testicles and dancing all over him. So I say:"Nope. I'm not going to become a cab driver, I'm going to teach gym like you. I'm aiming for the stars." This motherfucker starts fumbling over his words. Then I tell him that I'm a smoker and running isn't the easiest task for me. That he needed to calm the fuck down. I didn't mean any disrespect. Also, if he wanted to fail me he could. Stupid punk motherfucker. I'm going to visit him one day when I become a billionaire and tell him to lick the dog shit from my shoes. I am Baliwala. I like to slack. That is all.

subliminal message

This one goes out to

All of my Indian/Pakistani/Bengali/Sri Lankan/Nepalese brothers and sisters. Listen guys, stop being so shallow. If you're reading this and are completely denying the fact that you are a shallow person, chances are you're in denial. The truth hurts like an uppercut from Mike Tyson. Now the reason that I have chosen to speak directly to this group of people is: we are almost all products of arranged marriages. That's right folks. Chances are that you were conceived in that manner. What's significant about this? I'll tell you what's significant about this; because our parents did not choose their partners,we are not the best looking people in the world. Once again the truth hurts like the time you found out Santa Claus wasn't real. Keep this in mind the next time you put down somebody because of their looks. Realize that their parents did not choose their partners. Girls:stop taking photos at ridiculous angles. Stop pouting your nonexistent lips and go easy on the makeup. Guys: stop wearing sunglasses every waking moment. Stop wearing shirts that are too tight to showoff your "muscles." To both genders: go easy on the flash. Stop taking so many pictures with infants just so you can steal the compliment intended for the newborn. In the end, just be happy with how you look. Who you are. Where you have come from. Never forget that. I am Baliwala. My parents didn't know each other before they got married, then this bundle of joy brightened their lives. That is all.

Word of the day 43

fru·gal [froo-guhl]


–adjective
1.
economical in use or expenditure; prudently saving or sparing; not wasteful: a frugal manager.
2.
entailing little expense; requiring few resources; meager; scanty: a frugal meal.

I'm going to buy

Everyone in the world a ruler. I'll tell you why; it's because motherfuckers don't know what certain measurements are. I'll tell you a tale as an example. Back in my high school days I was a total bad ass. I smoked 3 cigarettes a week and cut class from time to time. Sometimes I wouldn't even do my homework. I know what you're thinking; I should have gone to jail, but I played the system because when it comes to crime I'm John Dillinger status. I digress. So one day when I was cutting class I decided to head over to the local Subway. Folks, this was when they didn't have $5 foot longs. I was a baller like that. I didn't need a sale to get myself a sandwich. Fuck that. So I walk in. The place was completely empty. Because of this the person working there decided it would be a good time to make himself a sandwich and not eat it, but inhale it. Yes ladies and gentlemen. It looked like he didn't even chew. That hungry motherfucker. When he saw me he pops up and heads behind the counter. I place my order. While I'm waiting an older female walks in. I saw that there was a relatively new Mercedes parked outside that I hadn't seen when entering, so I assumed it was hers. I also assumed that she must have been pretty wealthy and that she frequented Subways. I was proved wrong right away. She asked what type of sandwiches they had. The employee started off by saying that they offered two types of sandwiches; 6 inch subs and foot longs. The woman bit the end of her sunglasses and said:" How long is the foot long?" My mouth and the mouth of the employee dropped in unison. How the fuck did this bitch make it through life without knowing something so simple? I let out a quick "ha". She gave me a cold stare. I didn't give a fuck. It's not my fault she didn't possess common sense. I am Baliwala. How long is that? That's what she said. That is all.