I'm afraid to have a daughter

You know why? Because I don't want her to become a whore. That's why. I am Baliwala. I'm sitting in a tree with some a girl. K-i-s-s-i-n-g. First came love. Then came love. Now that bitch has a baby carriage. Bali Jr. was his name. Wants to be like his old. That will be his claim to fame. That is all.

I just took a shower

I feel energetic and refreshed. I feel like I can take the world by the horns. Fuck it. I'm going to sleep. I am Baliwala. I wake up sweaty. That is all.

I'm looking for a girlfiend

My criteria:

-Drop dead gorgeous
-Low self-esteem
-Rich
-Stupid
-Easily influenced by what I say
-Hot
-Not afraid to speak her mind
-Not ugly
-Cute
-Has to have a sense of humor
-Movie buff
-Fan of desi music
-Good looking
-5'2-5'6
-No fatties
-Not crazy
-Hot
-Not braindead
-Has to fall in love with me within the first 3 minutes of talking to me
-Must drink water
-Blueish/greenish/hazelish eyes
-Karate expert
-Has to know that Dr. Pepper really isn't a doctor
-No cornrows
-Has to know that Bollywood is fiction(MY MOST IMPORTANT REQUIREMENT)
-French manicure
-Has to think I'm the greatest thing ever
-Sexy

If you or anybody you know fits these requirements, leave a comment. Or call 1-800-CRIME-TV. Let's do this.

I cried

Yesterday. I can't remember the last time tears came down my face. Cutting onions is a bitch. I am Baliwala. Cry me a river. That is all.

Word of the day 29

Potulent

1. Fit to drink; potable.

2. Nearly drunk; tipsy.