Friday, August 31, 2012
It's funny how
People will look down upon you when it comes to education, when you attend a better institution than they do. It's not my fault I busted my ass and reaped the rewards. Maybe if you were more intelligent and hardworking, you wouldn't be attending a second-rate university, where Desis pretend to get degrees until they get an arranged marriage. Be humble. Not only does your shit stink, but it's probably stinks more than you think. I am Baliwala. A girl who attends a school that is a half step above a community college, can kiss my ass. That is all.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Monday, August 27, 2012
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Monday, August 20, 2012
Remember
When I asked you if I should go to jury duty? Guess what? I actually went. At first I didn't want to attend at all. The thought of waking up early and going to a place filled with strangers, then waiting aimlessly for hours wasn't very appealing to me. Everybody I asked said it wasn't too bad and it would be over before I knew it. Also, I would receive about 16 or 17 bucks for my attendance. I woke up pretty early that morning, about 7:30 am. I didn't want to be late. When I entered the courthouse there were metal detectors. I removed anything I thought was metal from my belongings. When I walked through the detector it went off. I was then told that not only did I have to remove everything from my pockets, but my belt as well. Weird but whatever. I did it. It was very odd having to put my belt on in front of so many people. I usually do an activity like this alone. The room I had to wait in was huge and filled with many people. I was sandwiched between two smelly bodies. Because of this I was forced to breath from my mouth. This is a skill I have perfected over the years. Not a big deal.
I then spotted a cute Desi girl from afar. Damnit. I didn't look my best and anyway, it would be awkward to hit on a girl during jury duty especially since she was sitting pretty far away from me so I told gave myself an excuse to stop staring. A video was then shown about what we as prospective jurors should expect. It looked like it was shot in the 80's. I quickly went into my book bag and got my book. After about 45 minutes my group number was called and I was escorted with about 30 other people to a courthouse. Good. Looks like I won't be here as long as I expected. We all sat in the audience part of the courtroom. Then the bailiff started to call names to the jury stand so they could be interviewed by the prosecutor and defense attorney. Once again my spirits were high because the odds of me not being picked were in my favor. All of a sudden my name was called. A total of 12 names were called to the stand. Then the lawyers proceeded to ask various questions to people 4 at a time. I was in the second group. The questions they asked me ranged from what I studied, to if I had an interest in bio-mechanical engineering, to if I ever had back pain in my life, to what my hobbies were.
I answered no to all of these questions with the hopes that I wouldn't be picked, and plus, I was under oath so I couldn't lie. Then all of a sudden the defense lawyer says to the judge: "Your honor, these four are fine." Before I knew it I had been sworn in as a juror. Shit. How did this happen? I was dismissed for an hour along with the others that had been sworn in. I was in denial so I asked one of the jurors if we had been chosen. The 66 year old man answered that indeed we had been. Aw fuck. He told me that this was his 9th time attending jury duty but the first time being picked. Looks like I wasn't the only one with bad luck. I went outside to have a cigarette and to try and process what happened. This was going to be interesting. I went back into the courthouse and removed my belt again. I felt like an amateur stripper.
Day 1
It was about 2:30 PM of the same day and the trial was scheduled to begin. During the recess period before I was outside and noticed that a function for Pakistani Independence Day was taking place in the adjacent corner of the building. I went to check it out from where I was. Didn't seem like anything special, just a bunch of men in suits and average looking girls in shalwar khameez, so I went on with my business. I made my way through security once again and then towards the courthouse. The judge informed us that the trial wouldn't last for more than a few days. This was kind of a relief. The plaintiff was suing the defendant because he hit him in an automobile accident, from the rear, that's what she said. The results of this accident were that the plaintiff had horrible neck and back pain, and was not able to work as a bricklayer because it slowed him down, and if his bosses saw that he would be fired on the spot.
He was suing for over $100,000. Then the prosecution made their opening statement. You ever watch law shows and see how melodramatic the lawyers are? Well guess what? That's exactly how they are in person. I had to put my hand over my mouth a few times to contain my laughter. It seemed as if he was purposely trying to amuse me. I felt as if I had been teleported to an show on Broadway. The defense then made their opening statement. The defense lawyer looked like a model, no homo. He was definitely 30 at the oldest and spoke with little confidence, which was the opposite of the prosecutor. During the opening statement and throughout the trial, he had a habit of licking his index and middle finger on his left hand, then went down to his notepad as if he were about to turn a page. Guess what? He didn't turn a damn page. I found this to be quite filthy.
The prosecutor was a boring looking man with a long face and a boring suit. He definitely got it at the Men's Warehouse during a buy one get one free sale. The defendant was then called to the witness stand. I guessed that he had been in his late 30's but then found out he was only 24. Holy shit. Life must of beat up this poor bastard because he had aged horribly. He said he indeed did hit the plaintiff, and was going between 20-30 MPH, but that he had started to slow down right before the collision so he wasn't sure how fast he was going, and that the impact wasn't very hard. The prosecutor kept on referring to his deposition that he gave 2 years ago, and his answers didn't match up. Made the guy look pretty bad. Proceedings went into recess for the first day. I had survived.
Day 2
Court started at 9:30 AM and we were told the day before by the judge that we would have a full day of proceedings. The night before I googled how long that would be, but I didn't get any useful information. We were provided with notepads and encouraged to take notes. I did take notes but mainly because I didn't want to fall asleep. About a half hour after proceedings started the plaintiff's doctor took the stand. Guess where his doctor was from? India. That's right. What a shock. He studied in India but had an American accent. Something was fishy. He read all of his answers from the deposition he had given in 2010. He said that he cleared the plaintiff to work 2 weeks after the accident. Hmmm seems like his injuries weren't too bad if he were allowed to return to work in that period of time. The plaintiff himself then took the stand. He said that to this day he still had pain, especially in his lower back and could not work. Taking Excedrin had become a part of his daily life. He said that ever since the accident, which was in 2008, he had intimacy issues with his wife. Really man? Then why did you get her pregnant in 2010? Unless it was an immaculate conception, that boggles my mind.
Stuff wasn't making sense. He then broke down into tears because he said he wasn't able to play with his 2 year old son. Bullshit. I didn't buy the tears. Call me an asshole but it seemed fake. We were then provided a shitty lunch. I barely ate and decided to go outside. That day they had a stage setup for Indian Independence Day celebrations. This could be cool to see. One of my fellow jurors crept up behind me and yelled : "OOOH! THIS IS WHERE DEM DO DAT BELLYDANCIN RIGHT?" I said yea sure. I had no energy to explain the complexities of the arts when it concerned the Indian subcontinent. The 66 year old man I had mentioned earlier pulled up a chair and started asking me questions about India and Pakistan. I didn't mind answering his questions because up to that point I had gotten along with him the best out of all the jurors. He was very chill and smoked too. We were informed by the judge to not discuss the case with anybody, including the other jurors. Fuck that. What else were we supposed to talk about? As a matter of fact, that's mostly what my new friend and I discussed. Yea, I broke the law. Sue me. Right away my new friend and I had come to the conclusion that the plaintiff was bullshitting to get money. We hoped that the other jurors felt the same. To me it was pretty obvious. Then all of a sudden I heard that Bhangra was going to be performed. I pulled out my iPod Touch so I could record the dance. I was quite surprised and confused when 3 White girls came on stage. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about multiculturalism, but this was after all INDIA DAY for crying out loud. I didn't recognize any of the songs they were dancing to. I was pretty disappointed to say the least. I headed back in. Once again, the belt came off. This is something I was now used to. Damn near getting naked in front of a bunch of strangers. I never thought this day would come. I felt like a whore.
The next witness was a guy who ran the union the plaintiff worked under. He pretty much told us how nice and honest the plaintiff was. This was a waste of time in my opinion. Then the defense called their forensic expert to the stand. This guy had 8 degrees, two of which came from Harvard. He was a bio-mechanical engineer, medical doctor, attorney, and probably a hundred other things. Right away he came off as arrogant. The only notes I really took on him were: "Smug asshole." In his opinion the moment of impact was at maximum 2.5 MPH. He said there was more force when the plaintiff got into his car and shut the door as opposed to the accident. Blown up pictures of both cars were then shown. They were black and white and not of the best quality. Even then, it was safe to say that there was little to no damage done to either car. Yeah, this guy was a bullshitter. If bullshitting was a city he would be the superintendent of shitty services for every ward. When the plaintiff asked the Dr. questions he was being beyond difficult. Even when asked to answer with a simple yes or no, he felt the need to elaborate on his answers to anger the prosecution, and it worked. This was by far the funniest part of the trial. The prosecutor paused many times and took deep breaths as he angrily smirked.
We were told at least 8 times by the judge to disregard the last statement and question. Kind of hard to do though once it's already been heard. The Dr. continued to be difficult then we learned that he earns most of his money by testifying in cases like these. How much does he earn? $500 an hour is what he earns, and he mostly testifies for the defense. When the prosecution said this was too much he responded that it was a fair price considering his education and the fact his blood pressure was rising. Fuck you and your blood pressure, you elitist prick, but at the same time I couldn't argue with his science. He had an extensive background in it. Science is tested and proved. I kept in that in mind even though the guy was a prick. Court was done that day. I was exhausted. I headed over to McDonald's and got something to eat. Went home and knocked out.
Day 3
The final day of court. Thank God. 3 days had felt like a month and I was ready for things to wrap up. We were informed that one more witness would take the stand and then we would deliberate. I had already made up my mind. Another witness from the prosecution took the stand and told us how honest and nice the plaintiff was once again. Fuck that. The guy looked like a thug in my opinion who wanted to hustle the system. After about an hour of questioning ,cross-examination, and closing arguments, we were ready to deliberate. This guy wanted $40,000 for pain and suffering, $33,500 for lost wages, $10,562 for hospital bills, and $40,000 for disability. In my mind the case was clear cut. Oh boy was I wrong. Right away when the other jurors started giving their opinion I knew things were going to take a turn for the worst. I took the initiative by writing all of the amounts on the chalkboard provided to provide some clarity. We already agreed to give the full amount on the hospital bill. Then it came to pain and suffering. I wanted to give the guy $2,000. Fuck him. Pain and suffering is very subjective so it's hard to put a price on it in my opinion. Another juror wanted to give him nothing for that. Another wanted to give him $100,000. Whoa whoa whoa, hold on there buddy. Are you kidding? His defense was that he has had back pain in his life and it has been very debilitating. This is when the yelling and profanity started. Holy shit. People were going to kill each other.
I got up to get control. Not because I felt confident or wanted to be responsible, but because I wanted to get the hell out of there. This is what I said: "Let's go around and get everybody's amount then get the average. That is what we'll give him. It's not like we're paying him, the insurance company is." Sounds harsh but that's how I felt at the moment. Surprisingly everybody agreed......except for once juror. She was a Hispanic MILF who reminded me of Sofia Vergara. Google her if you don't know who that his. Her decision was purely based on the testimony of the forensic scientist. "Listen guy, he went to Harbard. He know what he talking about." She did not want to compromise at all. By this time we had been deliberating for an hour and a half and it looked like it wouldn't end anytime soon. Then a juror who had been quiet throughout the trial started to speak up, and actually made sense. He told her that her stubbornness was getting us nowhere and wasting our time. I was surprised. When being selected for the jury and asked what his hobbies were, he responded with "Playing the guitar and walking around." Wow, you have a fun life. Once again people started talking at once and yelling profane things at each other. I kept quiet. I went into the bathroom to get away from things, and because I had to obviously urinate.
Out of nowhere I hear "YO!" They were calling for me. I rushed out and realized the reason they called for me was because they wanted me to adjust an amount on the board that they had agreed upon. Really? Is that what the ruckus was about? It doesn't take a special skill to write on a chalkboard. Then we had to pick a foreperson, somebody to deliver the verdict to the judge. Right away everybody nominated me. Fuck that. These people didn't even know my name even though I had told them it many times, but now they wanted me to be the head of the jury? They settled on the nickname Sweety Pie for me. I didn't mind this, but I have a name. I'm not a piece of meat.
After refusing the foreperson position, somebody else was selected. We decided to give the guy just over $71,000. When he heard this he wasn't happy at all. Never saw somebody so upset over getting quite a bit of money. Fuck him once again. We received our final checks for that day along with a certificate. The 66 year old man asked everybody to sign the back of his, and I did. Then I got the hell out of there. I was so glad to be done, but it was an interesting experience. I had never though I would serve on a jury, but I'm glad I did. I fulfilled my duty as a U.S. citizen and got an idea on how a civil lawsuit works. I am Baliwala. Let me judge you, baby. That is all.
I then spotted a cute Desi girl from afar. Damnit. I didn't look my best and anyway, it would be awkward to hit on a girl during jury duty especially since she was sitting pretty far away from me so I told gave myself an excuse to stop staring. A video was then shown about what we as prospective jurors should expect. It looked like it was shot in the 80's. I quickly went into my book bag and got my book. After about 45 minutes my group number was called and I was escorted with about 30 other people to a courthouse. Good. Looks like I won't be here as long as I expected. We all sat in the audience part of the courtroom. Then the bailiff started to call names to the jury stand so they could be interviewed by the prosecutor and defense attorney. Once again my spirits were high because the odds of me not being picked were in my favor. All of a sudden my name was called. A total of 12 names were called to the stand. Then the lawyers proceeded to ask various questions to people 4 at a time. I was in the second group. The questions they asked me ranged from what I studied, to if I had an interest in bio-mechanical engineering, to if I ever had back pain in my life, to what my hobbies were.
I answered no to all of these questions with the hopes that I wouldn't be picked, and plus, I was under oath so I couldn't lie. Then all of a sudden the defense lawyer says to the judge: "Your honor, these four are fine." Before I knew it I had been sworn in as a juror. Shit. How did this happen? I was dismissed for an hour along with the others that had been sworn in. I was in denial so I asked one of the jurors if we had been chosen. The 66 year old man answered that indeed we had been. Aw fuck. He told me that this was his 9th time attending jury duty but the first time being picked. Looks like I wasn't the only one with bad luck. I went outside to have a cigarette and to try and process what happened. This was going to be interesting. I went back into the courthouse and removed my belt again. I felt like an amateur stripper.
Day 1
It was about 2:30 PM of the same day and the trial was scheduled to begin. During the recess period before I was outside and noticed that a function for Pakistani Independence Day was taking place in the adjacent corner of the building. I went to check it out from where I was. Didn't seem like anything special, just a bunch of men in suits and average looking girls in shalwar khameez, so I went on with my business. I made my way through security once again and then towards the courthouse. The judge informed us that the trial wouldn't last for more than a few days. This was kind of a relief. The plaintiff was suing the defendant because he hit him in an automobile accident, from the rear, that's what she said. The results of this accident were that the plaintiff had horrible neck and back pain, and was not able to work as a bricklayer because it slowed him down, and if his bosses saw that he would be fired on the spot.
He was suing for over $100,000. Then the prosecution made their opening statement. You ever watch law shows and see how melodramatic the lawyers are? Well guess what? That's exactly how they are in person. I had to put my hand over my mouth a few times to contain my laughter. It seemed as if he was purposely trying to amuse me. I felt as if I had been teleported to an show on Broadway. The defense then made their opening statement. The defense lawyer looked like a model, no homo. He was definitely 30 at the oldest and spoke with little confidence, which was the opposite of the prosecutor. During the opening statement and throughout the trial, he had a habit of licking his index and middle finger on his left hand, then went down to his notepad as if he were about to turn a page. Guess what? He didn't turn a damn page. I found this to be quite filthy.
The prosecutor was a boring looking man with a long face and a boring suit. He definitely got it at the Men's Warehouse during a buy one get one free sale. The defendant was then called to the witness stand. I guessed that he had been in his late 30's but then found out he was only 24. Holy shit. Life must of beat up this poor bastard because he had aged horribly. He said he indeed did hit the plaintiff, and was going between 20-30 MPH, but that he had started to slow down right before the collision so he wasn't sure how fast he was going, and that the impact wasn't very hard. The prosecutor kept on referring to his deposition that he gave 2 years ago, and his answers didn't match up. Made the guy look pretty bad. Proceedings went into recess for the first day. I had survived.
Day 2
Court started at 9:30 AM and we were told the day before by the judge that we would have a full day of proceedings. The night before I googled how long that would be, but I didn't get any useful information. We were provided with notepads and encouraged to take notes. I did take notes but mainly because I didn't want to fall asleep. About a half hour after proceedings started the plaintiff's doctor took the stand. Guess where his doctor was from? India. That's right. What a shock. He studied in India but had an American accent. Something was fishy. He read all of his answers from the deposition he had given in 2010. He said that he cleared the plaintiff to work 2 weeks after the accident. Hmmm seems like his injuries weren't too bad if he were allowed to return to work in that period of time. The plaintiff himself then took the stand. He said that to this day he still had pain, especially in his lower back and could not work. Taking Excedrin had become a part of his daily life. He said that ever since the accident, which was in 2008, he had intimacy issues with his wife. Really man? Then why did you get her pregnant in 2010? Unless it was an immaculate conception, that boggles my mind.
Stuff wasn't making sense. He then broke down into tears because he said he wasn't able to play with his 2 year old son. Bullshit. I didn't buy the tears. Call me an asshole but it seemed fake. We were then provided a shitty lunch. I barely ate and decided to go outside. That day they had a stage setup for Indian Independence Day celebrations. This could be cool to see. One of my fellow jurors crept up behind me and yelled : "OOOH! THIS IS WHERE DEM DO DAT BELLYDANCIN RIGHT?" I said yea sure. I had no energy to explain the complexities of the arts when it concerned the Indian subcontinent. The 66 year old man I had mentioned earlier pulled up a chair and started asking me questions about India and Pakistan. I didn't mind answering his questions because up to that point I had gotten along with him the best out of all the jurors. He was very chill and smoked too. We were informed by the judge to not discuss the case with anybody, including the other jurors. Fuck that. What else were we supposed to talk about? As a matter of fact, that's mostly what my new friend and I discussed. Yea, I broke the law. Sue me. Right away my new friend and I had come to the conclusion that the plaintiff was bullshitting to get money. We hoped that the other jurors felt the same. To me it was pretty obvious. Then all of a sudden I heard that Bhangra was going to be performed. I pulled out my iPod Touch so I could record the dance. I was quite surprised and confused when 3 White girls came on stage. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about multiculturalism, but this was after all INDIA DAY for crying out loud. I didn't recognize any of the songs they were dancing to. I was pretty disappointed to say the least. I headed back in. Once again, the belt came off. This is something I was now used to. Damn near getting naked in front of a bunch of strangers. I never thought this day would come. I felt like a whore.
The next witness was a guy who ran the union the plaintiff worked under. He pretty much told us how nice and honest the plaintiff was. This was a waste of time in my opinion. Then the defense called their forensic expert to the stand. This guy had 8 degrees, two of which came from Harvard. He was a bio-mechanical engineer, medical doctor, attorney, and probably a hundred other things. Right away he came off as arrogant. The only notes I really took on him were: "Smug asshole." In his opinion the moment of impact was at maximum 2.5 MPH. He said there was more force when the plaintiff got into his car and shut the door as opposed to the accident. Blown up pictures of both cars were then shown. They were black and white and not of the best quality. Even then, it was safe to say that there was little to no damage done to either car. Yeah, this guy was a bullshitter. If bullshitting was a city he would be the superintendent of shitty services for every ward. When the plaintiff asked the Dr. questions he was being beyond difficult. Even when asked to answer with a simple yes or no, he felt the need to elaborate on his answers to anger the prosecution, and it worked. This was by far the funniest part of the trial. The prosecutor paused many times and took deep breaths as he angrily smirked.
We were told at least 8 times by the judge to disregard the last statement and question. Kind of hard to do though once it's already been heard. The Dr. continued to be difficult then we learned that he earns most of his money by testifying in cases like these. How much does he earn? $500 an hour is what he earns, and he mostly testifies for the defense. When the prosecution said this was too much he responded that it was a fair price considering his education and the fact his blood pressure was rising. Fuck you and your blood pressure, you elitist prick, but at the same time I couldn't argue with his science. He had an extensive background in it. Science is tested and proved. I kept in that in mind even though the guy was a prick. Court was done that day. I was exhausted. I headed over to McDonald's and got something to eat. Went home and knocked out.
Day 3
The final day of court. Thank God. 3 days had felt like a month and I was ready for things to wrap up. We were informed that one more witness would take the stand and then we would deliberate. I had already made up my mind. Another witness from the prosecution took the stand and told us how honest and nice the plaintiff was once again. Fuck that. The guy looked like a thug in my opinion who wanted to hustle the system. After about an hour of questioning ,cross-examination, and closing arguments, we were ready to deliberate. This guy wanted $40,000 for pain and suffering, $33,500 for lost wages, $10,562 for hospital bills, and $40,000 for disability. In my mind the case was clear cut. Oh boy was I wrong. Right away when the other jurors started giving their opinion I knew things were going to take a turn for the worst. I took the initiative by writing all of the amounts on the chalkboard provided to provide some clarity. We already agreed to give the full amount on the hospital bill. Then it came to pain and suffering. I wanted to give the guy $2,000. Fuck him. Pain and suffering is very subjective so it's hard to put a price on it in my opinion. Another juror wanted to give him nothing for that. Another wanted to give him $100,000. Whoa whoa whoa, hold on there buddy. Are you kidding? His defense was that he has had back pain in his life and it has been very debilitating. This is when the yelling and profanity started. Holy shit. People were going to kill each other.
I got up to get control. Not because I felt confident or wanted to be responsible, but because I wanted to get the hell out of there. This is what I said: "Let's go around and get everybody's amount then get the average. That is what we'll give him. It's not like we're paying him, the insurance company is." Sounds harsh but that's how I felt at the moment. Surprisingly everybody agreed......except for once juror. She was a Hispanic MILF who reminded me of Sofia Vergara. Google her if you don't know who that his. Her decision was purely based on the testimony of the forensic scientist. "Listen guy, he went to Harbard. He know what he talking about." She did not want to compromise at all. By this time we had been deliberating for an hour and a half and it looked like it wouldn't end anytime soon. Then a juror who had been quiet throughout the trial started to speak up, and actually made sense. He told her that her stubbornness was getting us nowhere and wasting our time. I was surprised. When being selected for the jury and asked what his hobbies were, he responded with "Playing the guitar and walking around." Wow, you have a fun life. Once again people started talking at once and yelling profane things at each other. I kept quiet. I went into the bathroom to get away from things, and because I had to obviously urinate.
Out of nowhere I hear "YO!" They were calling for me. I rushed out and realized the reason they called for me was because they wanted me to adjust an amount on the board that they had agreed upon. Really? Is that what the ruckus was about? It doesn't take a special skill to write on a chalkboard. Then we had to pick a foreperson, somebody to deliver the verdict to the judge. Right away everybody nominated me. Fuck that. These people didn't even know my name even though I had told them it many times, but now they wanted me to be the head of the jury? They settled on the nickname Sweety Pie for me. I didn't mind this, but I have a name. I'm not a piece of meat.
After refusing the foreperson position, somebody else was selected. We decided to give the guy just over $71,000. When he heard this he wasn't happy at all. Never saw somebody so upset over getting quite a bit of money. Fuck him once again. We received our final checks for that day along with a certificate. The 66 year old man asked everybody to sign the back of his, and I did. Then I got the hell out of there. I was so glad to be done, but it was an interesting experience. I had never though I would serve on a jury, but I'm glad I did. I fulfilled my duty as a U.S. citizen and got an idea on how a civil lawsuit works. I am Baliwala. Let me judge you, baby. That is all.
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
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